The wedding does not end with the last dance.
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The wedding does not end with the last dance. Across the world there are customs for the first night, the first visit home, the first meal and the first year. Some are playful, some practical and some tender. This page follows the customs of the days after: the bride's return to her parents' house, the honeymoon, the first anniversary and the many small ways a community welcomes a new couple.
Customs for the wedding night vary, and are described here with care. In many places the couple are escorted to a decorated room, with flowers or a bed strewn with petals, as in the suhaag raat of north India, or the Chinese custom of the bed set with dates, peanuts and longans, and a child rolled on the bed to bring a son. In Muslim weddings the groom may recite a prayer and give a gift to the bride. Some customs, such as the display of a sheet, have been abandoned or are criticised today, as they put pressure on the bride, and many couples prefer privacy and rest. The first days often bring special foods and visits.
A bride who has moved to her husband's home is often brought back to her parents soon after, a visit that eases the separation. In north India it is the pag phera, a return a day or a few days after the wedding with gifts of sweets and clothes. In China the huimen, the return visit on the third day, includes a meal and gifts, in Korea the jaehaeng (and the pyebaek earlier) bring the bride to meet the groom's elders, and in parts of North Africa and the Gulf the family visits the couple in the first week. These visits tie the two families together.
The honeymoon, a trip for the newly married, grew in 19th century Britain and spread with rail and air travel. It can be a week at a beach, a road trip, a stay at a relative's holiday house or, in many countries, a quiet few days at home. In India and Japan, couples have long taken a trip to a hill station or a hot spring, and in Egypt and the Gulf resorts offer packages. Many couples now delay it, or take a mini-moon, because of cost and leave.
The first year is often a time of gifts and visits. Anniversary customs, such as paper for the first year in the English tradition, are playful ways to mark the years. In some cultures a family feast marks the first year, and in others a visit to the temple, the church or the home village. The first year is also when families adjust, and many cultures see it as a time of learning rather than of obligation.
After a Hindu wedding the bride is welcomed at the groom's home in the griha pravesh, kicking a pot of rice and stepping through red footprints, and soon after she returns to her parents for the pag phera. The couple then take part in family visits and rituals.
Griha pravesh, being writtenThe walima, a feast hosted by the groom's family the day after the wedding, is a sunnah celebration and gives thanks. The bride's family hosts the couple soon after, in the custom called chauthi or the return.
Walima, being writtenJavanese families hold the ngunduh mantu, in which the groom's family welcomes the bride at their home after the wedding, and the Balinese couple visit the temple. Honeymoon trips are often to Bali or the mountains.
Javanese wedding, being writtenOn the third day after the wedding the bride returns home with her husband in the huimen, bringing gifts and having a meal with her family. In some areas the bed is set with dates, peanuts, longans and lotus seeds, a pun on having children early.
Huimen, being writtenThe pyebaek is a ceremony in which the bride bows to the groom's parents and is thrown dates and chestnuts for a wish of many children. The couple then visit the bride's parents, and many go on a honeymoon, often to Jeju Island.
Read: PyebaekThe betashar is a ceremony in which the new bride is introduced to her husband's relatives, with a song that tells her of their names and a veil raised by the singer. She bows to each of them in turn and receives gifts.
Betashar, being writtenAlso part of it, and being written: Honeymoon (The couple's first trip.), Griha pravesh (The bride's first entry to the new home.), Walima (The Islamic feast after the wedding.), Betashar (The Kazakh unveiling of the bride.), Wedding anniversary (The yearly marking of the day.), Black cake (The Caribbean wedding cake.), Wedding night (The customs of the first night.).
A trip taken by the newly married couple, first popular in Britain in the 19th century. It is now a worldwide custom, though many couples delay it or take a short trip.
A North Indian custom in which the bride returns to her parents' home a day or a few days after the wedding, usually with her husband, with gifts and a meal.
It varies widely. Many couples simply rest after a long day. Some cultures keep a decorated room, a prayer or a blessing, and the more intrusive customs are fading.
No. In many places a family visit or a feast replaces it, and some couples travel later. The idea of a long trip is mainly a modern and Western one.
In the English tradition it is paper, while the American tradition may also suggest clocks. These are playful customs, and any thoughtful gift will do.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
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The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
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