Most people attend more weddings than they hold, and being a good guest depends on knowing a few local rules.
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Most people attend more weddings than they hold, and being a good guest depends on knowing a few local rules. This page gives practical advice: how to read a dress code, which colours to avoid, what to give, when to arrive, how long to expect it to last and what to say to the couple. Customs vary by family, so when in doubt, ask someone who knows the family.
Read the invitation. Black tie, formal, cocktail and casual are Western codes, and in other places the code is the family's tradition: a sari or lehenga in India, a salwar kameez in Pakistan, a thobe or abaya in the Gulf, a hanbok in Korea, a kebaya in Indonesia, or a barong in the Philippines. Cover shoulders and knees in a temple, mosque or church, and take a scarf. Remove shoes at Hindu, Sikh and Muslim venues. Dress modestly, and avoid outshining the couple.
White is usually the bride's colour in the West and a colour of mourning in parts of South and East Asia, so guests often avoid it. Red is for the bride in India and China and many guests leave it to her, though in China red is lucky and guests may wear it, and at a Chinese wedding black can signal mourning. Black is for funerals in many places, but at a Western evening wedding black is accepted, and in Italy and Greece some guests avoid it. When in doubt, wear a colour such as blue, green, gold or pink.
Bring a gift from the registry, a card with cash where that is the custom, or a wrapped present, and give cash in odd numbers in India or in a neat envelope in East Asia. Arrive on time for a church or civil ceremony, but expect a South Asian, Middle Eastern or African wedding to start late, so check with the family. Weddings range from a one-hour ceremony and lunch in Britain, to a seven-day celebration in parts of India, Morocco and Egypt. Ask when you should arrive and when you may leave, and eat, dance and join in.
Keep it simple and warm: congratulations, a short blessing or wish. In India, say shubh vivah or congratulations, in the Muslim world mabrook or barakallahu lakuma, in Jewish weddings mazel tov, in China gong xi, in Korea chukhahamnida, and in Greece na zisete, may you live. Switch your phone to silent, do not photograph the ceremony if asked not to, avoid taking photos of the bride before the family does, and do not draw attention to your own plans. Thank the hosts before you leave.
Guests wear bright colours, avoid white and black, and take off their shoes at the mandap or gurdwara, covering their heads at a Sikh wedding. They bring shagun in an envelope and join the baraat dance, and the wedding often runs late into the night.
Read: Indian wedding clothesWomen wear shalwar kameez or formal sari, often in bright colours and with jewellery, and men a sherwani or shalwar kameez. Many weddings keep men and women apart, and dinner is served late, after the groom arrives.
Shalwar kameez, being writtenMen wear the barong Tagalog and women a dress or Filipiniana, and guests avoid white and black. Guests often give an envelope, and the reception includes a money dance and a long meal.
Barong Tagalog, being writtenGuests give a red envelope at the door and avoid white and black, and women avoid wearing red as it is the bride's colour. The banquet has eight to twelve courses and the guests join the toasts, ganbei.
Chinese wedding, being writtenGuests wear smart clothes in subdued colours, avoiding white, and give a white envelope at the entrance, then eat at a buffet. The ceremony is short, around 30 minutes to an hour.
Culture of South Korea, being writtenGuests arrive for the long supra, with endless toasts, and may be asked to respond when the tamada toasts them. Dress is smart, and the wedding often continues late.
Supra, being written
Aso ebiMatching cloth for guests in Nigeria.
Red envelopeCash gifts in East Asia.Wedding registryThe gift list.
Mazel tovThe Jewish wish of congratulation.Also part of it, and being written: Wedding guest (Etiquette for those invited.), Dress code (The codes on invitations.), Barong Tagalog (The Filipino formal shirt.), Shalwar kameez (South Asian formal wear.).
White in the West and in many places, red at an Indian or Chinese wedding where the bride wears it, and often black where it is associated with mourning. Check the invitation or ask.
It varies by country and closeness. A common rule is to cover the cost of your meal, and in India and East Asia, to give cash in an envelope. A registry or a card is a safe choice elsewhere.
For a church or civil ceremony, yes. For many South Asian, Middle Eastern and African weddings, the start is late, and the invitation time is a guide. Ask the family.
From an hour at a registry office to a week in some communities. Most Western weddings last a day, and many Asian weddings are one to three days.
A simple and warm congratulations is enough. Learn the local phrase if you can, such as mazel tov, mabrook or shubh vivah, and thank the hosts.
Often yes at the reception, but ask first for the ceremony, as some couples hold an unplugged wedding and some religious venues do not allow photography.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
The traditions written up so far, best known first.
๐ต๐ฑ Poland and 1 morePolonaisePolonez
A stately Polish partner dance in triple metre that opens weddings and formal celebrations.Performance ยท Procession and arrival
๐ฌ๐ง United KingdomGift registry
A public wish list managed by retailers to coordinate wedding gifts and prevent duplicates.Feast custom ยท The weeks before
๐บ๐ธ Austin, United States and 5 moreBachelorette party
A pre-wedding gathering for the bride-to-be and her female friends, known as a hen party in many Commonwealth nations.Performance ยท The weeks before
๐บ๐ธ United StatesRehearsal dinner
A pre-wedding meal held after the final practice to thank the wedding partyFeast custom ยท The weeks before
๐ต๐ฑ Poland and 5 moreMoney dance
A reception ritual where guests give cash to the couple while dancing or showering them with notes.Feast custom ยท Reception, dance and gifts
๐บ๐ธ United States and 3 moreWedding vow renewal ceremony
A service where a married couple repeats their marriage promises to reaffirm their commitment.Vow ยท After the wedding
๐ฎ๐ธ IcelandIcelandic weddings
A blend of church ceremony and multi-day feasting that marks the union of two people in Iceland.Feast custom ยท The ceremony
๐จ๐ณ ChinaPlace card
A small card that tells a wedding guest where to sit and who sits next to them.Feast custom ยท Reception, dance and gifts
๐ฒ๐ฆ Morocco and 5 moreMimounaืืืืื ื (Hebrew), ู
ูู
ููุฉ (Arabic)
The Maghrebi Jewish feast held the day after Passover to welcome leavened bread and good fortune.Feast custom ยท After the wedding
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
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