Finding a match

Every wedding begins with two people finding each other, and the world has many ways to do it. A matchmaker, a horoscope, a festival, a school, an app or a family introduction can each be the first step. This stage covers what happens from the first thought of marriage to the first serious meeting.

Matchmakers and families

The Jewish shadchan, the Japanese nakodo, the Chinese matchmaker or meipo, the Indian family elder and the Korean middleman all work on the same idea: a trusted person who knows both sides suggests a match. In India families trade biodata and compare horoscopes, and in Japan the omiai was a formal first meeting, usually in a hotel tea room. In Iran the khastegari follows once the families agree.

Festivals and open courtship

Some places have a day or a gathering where young people meet. The Gerewol of the Wodaabe in Niger, the Imilchil Moussem in Morocco, the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in Ireland, the Sapa love market in Vietnam, and Tu B'Av in Jewish tradition all bring unmarried people together in a public, festive setting. In China, parents gather in parks such as Shanghai's People's Park with notes about their children.

Choice and consent

Arranged does not mean forced. Many arranged marriages involve both partners' agreement, and many couples who meet on their own still seek parental blessing. Forced marriage is a violation of rights and illegal in most countries. Dating apps built for specific communities, from Muzz to Shaadi, show how technology is folding into older customs.