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EveryShaadi

Finding a match

Matchmakers, horoscopes, family introductions, courtship festivals and the first meeting.

Every wedding begins with two people finding each other, and the world has many ways to do it. A matchmaker, a horoscope, a festival, a school, an app or a family introduction can each be the first step. This stage covers what happens from the first thought of marriage to the first serious meeting.

Matchmakers and families

The Jewish shadchan, the Japanese nakodo, the Chinese matchmaker or meipo, the Indian family elder and the Korean middleman all work on the same idea: a trusted person who knows both sides suggests a match. In India families trade biodata and compare horoscopes, and in Japan the omiai was a formal first meeting, usually in a hotel tea room. In Iran the khastegari follows once the families agree.

Festivals and open courtship

Some places have a day or a gathering where young people meet. The Gerewol of the Wodaabe in Niger, the Imilchil Moussem in Morocco, the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in Ireland, the Sapa love market in Vietnam, and Tu B'Av in Jewish tradition all bring unmarried people together in a public, festive setting. In China, parents gather in parks such as Shanghai's People's Park with notes about their children.

Choice and consent

Arranged does not mean forced. Many arranged marriages involve both partners' agreement, and many couples who meet on their own still seek parental blessing. Forced marriage is a violation of rights and illegal in most countries. Dating apps built for specific communities, from Muzz to Shaadi, show how technology is folding into older customs.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Finding a match (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
KindRiteVowBetrothalGift customAttireAdornmentPerformanceFeast customBlessingPlayFamily roleSettingModern
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼) A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match 🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇨🇳 Shanghai, ChinaShanghai Marriage Market人民公园相亲角 (Rénmín Gōngyuán Xiāngqīn Jiǎo) Parents pin written profiles of their unmarried children to strings in a Shanghai parkBetrothal · Finding a match 🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn) A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match 🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai) A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇨🇳 China and 1 moreGhost marriage冥婚 (mínghūn) A union arranged for deceased individuals to ensure harmony in the afterlife and care in this one.Rite · Finding a match 🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih) The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match 🇯🇵 JapanYobai夜這い A Japanese tradition of nighttime courtship visits before marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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