Matchmaking, courtship and engagementEast Asia
Yobai
In its own language: 夜這い
A Japanese tradition of nighttime courtship visits before marriage.
Yobai was a Japanese custom where unmarried men visited unmarried women at night for premarital sex. Young people used these encounters to find spouses. The practice faded by the early twentieth century.
When is Yobai kept?
Yobai is kept at night, before marriage.
Yobai refers to a historical Japanese practice of nocturnal courtship. Unmarried men would visit unmarried women in their homes after dark. These visits often led to sexual relations and sometimes marriage. The custom served as a way for young people to choose partners. It disappeared as Japan modernized during the Meiji era.
How the visits worked
Young men would approach the homes of young women after sunset. They entered quietly and announced themselves. If the woman agreed, they spent the night together. The man left before dawn. Families often knew about these visits but stayed silent. This arrangement allowed couples to test compatibility before committing to marriage.
Regional differences
The rules changed depending on the location. In some places, any adult could visit any other adult. Travelers from outside the village were also welcome. Other areas restricted visits to married women or widows. Single girls were off-limits in those regions. Some villages limited visits to men from the same community.
History and decline
This tradition existed across Japan for centuries. It remained common in rural areas until the start of the Meiji period. Some pockets continued the practice into the twentieth century. Changing social norms and government reforms eventually ended it. Modern Japan no longer observes this custom.
How Yobai is kept
Men visited women's homes at night. Consent was required. The couple spent time together. The man departed before sunrise. Families tolerated the practice. It helped couples meet. Marriage followed if both parties agreed. The custom faded with modernization.
When and where
It happened at night. It occurred before marriage. The timing varied by region. It declined during the Meiji era. Some areas kept it into the twentieth century.
It took place in Japan. Rural areas practiced it longer. Some villages had strict rules. Others allowed visitors from anywhere. The custom spread across the country historically.
What Yobai means
It allowed young people to choose partners. Families supported the practice. It tested compatibility. It respected family privacy. The silence protected reputations. It facilitated marriage through personal choice.
Who takes part
- The young man: Visits the woman's home at night
- The young woman: Decides whether to accept the visitor
- The families: Tolerate the visits without interference
Then and now
The practice is extinct. It ended with modernization. No communities keep it today. Historical records document it. Scholars study its social impact.
Questions people ask about Yobai
When is Yobai kept?
Yobai is kept at night, before marriage.
What is yobai?
Yobai is a Japanese custom of nighttime courtship visits. Unmarried men visited unmarried women. These visits often led to marriage. The practice faded in the twentieth century.
Was it legal?
It was a social custom. There were no specific laws against it. Families tolerated the practice. It ended due to social changes. Modern Japan does not practice it.
See also
Marriage proposalThe moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.
MiaiA traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Picture brideEarly twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the U
Blessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchA large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Good reading and sources
The facts on this page come from the Wikipedia article "Yobai", written by its contributors and used under the CC BY-SA 4.0 licence, and from its Wikidata record (CC0). EveryShaadi rewrote the text in its own words, with AI assistance, and compares every page with the article to make sure no passage is copied. It may be reused under the same CC BY-SA 4.0 licence with a link back.
It may contain mistakes. Wedding customs differ from one family, village and community to the next, and the people who keep them know them best. If something is wrong, tell us. Last refreshed 2026-10-06.
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