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EveryShaadi

Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
KindRiteVowBetrothalGift customAttireAdornmentPerformanceFeast customBlessingPlayFamily roleSettingModern
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇹 ItalyFede ring A clasped-hands ring that symbolizes betrothal and faithfulness in marriage traditions.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreLovespoonLlwy garu A carved wooden spoon given as a romantic gift to show skill and intent.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic wordAdornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 2 moreCladdagh ringFáinne an Chladaigh A traditional Irish ring featuring clasped hands, a heart, and a crown to symbolise friendship, love, and loyalty.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic word.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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