Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring
A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇷🇺 RussiaEastern Orthodox marriage
The Byzantine Rite ceremony where a priest crowns the couple to seal their union in Christ.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina
Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic)
A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇱 Poland and 6 moreKolachколач (kolach), калач (kalach), kołacz, colac, kalács
A braided or ring-shaped bread that marks weddings and major holidays across Eastern Europe.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS)
A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 2 moreCladdagh ringFáinne an Chladaigh
A traditional Irish ring featuring clasped hands, a heart, and a crown to symbolise friendship, love, and loyalty.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos
The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding
A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower
A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFede ring
A clasped-hands ring that symbolizes betrothal and faithfulness in marriage traditions.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina
A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch
A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇪 Stockholm, SwedenSame-sex marriage in Sweden
The legal union for same-sex couples that began on 1 May 2009 after the Riksdag passed a gender-neutral law.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje
A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn)
The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman
A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match
🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditionsРусская свадьба
A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox crowning, ransom games, and lively toasting in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreLovespoonLlwy garu
A carved wooden spoon given as a romantic gift to show skill and intent.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreWhite wedding
A formal Western ceremony marked by a white bridal gown and traditional Christian rituals.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond
A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇦 UkraineTraditional Ukrainian weddingТрадиційне українське весілля
A multi-day sequence of folk rites, bread baking and church vows that marks the transition from maidenhood to married liRite · Finding a match
🇵🇹 Lisbon, PortugalSame-sex marriage in PortugalCasamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex in Portugal.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party
A gathering to announce a new engagement and introduce the two families before the wedding.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic wordAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach
A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage
The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis
The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony
🇮🇪 Ireland and 3 moreBachelor's Day
The custom that lets women propose to men on Leap DayBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 5 moreMorganatic marriageEhe zur linken Hand
A union between people of unequal rank that bars the spouse and children from inheriting titles or throne rights.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Dublin, IrelandSame-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage following a national referendum in 2015Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyWedding Quodlibet
A lighthearted musical piece by J.S. Bach performed at weddings in early 18th-century Germany.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic word.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis
A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik
A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática
A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Athens, GreeceSame-sex marriage in GreeceΟμοφυλοφιλικός γάμος (Omofylofilikos gamos)
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex, effective since February 2024.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyLandshut WeddingLandshuter Hochzeit
A four-year historical pageant in Bavaria re-enacting the 1475 royal marriage of George and Hedwig.Setting · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom
A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat
The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Greece: Mzimu, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Landshut Wedding: Oktobersonne, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Claddagh ring: Royalcladdagh, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
- Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Dower: Pvasiliadis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Fede ring: Anonymous ( Europe ) Unknown author, Public domain, source
- More danico: Edward Burne-Jones, Public domain, source
- Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Morganatic marriage: Sergei Lvovich Levitsky (1819 – 1898) and Rafail Sergeevich Levitsky (, Public domain, source
- Wedding Quodlibet: Aschroet, CC0, source
- Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Eastern Orthodox marriage: VitVit, CC BY 3.0, source
- Knottekistje: mwibawa, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Badchen: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
- Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lovespoon: Btinsley785, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Kolach: Лобачев Владимир, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Acrostic ring: Jlblackmore, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Traditional Ukrainian wedding: Пимоненко, Николай Корнильевич, Public domain, source
- Engagement party: Melissa Gupta, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland: Kaihsu Tai, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source