Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring
A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaShankha
White conch shell bangles worn by Bengali Hindu married women as a symbol of their husband's well-being.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads
Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Bhuj, India and 1 moreBandhani
A traditional Indian tie-dye method that creates intricate dot patterns by binding small sections of cloth before dyeingAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanMizuhiki水引
The knotted paper cord that adorns Japanese wedding gifts and envelopesAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFede ring
A clasped-hands ring that symbolizes betrothal and faithfulness in marriage traditions.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch
A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 3 moreMarriage coin charm夫妇和合花钱 (fū fù hé hé huā qián)
Numismatic amulets from East Asia that carry wedding blessings and fertility symbols.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic wordAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreLovespoonLlwy garu
A carved wooden spoon given as a romantic gift to show skill and intent.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring
A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 NigeriaFattening room
A traditional Nigerian retreat where Efik women are secluded to learn skills and gain weight before marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 2 moreCladdagh ringFáinne an Chladaigh
A traditional Irish ring featuring clasped hands, a heart, and a crown to symbolise friendship, love, and loyalty.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje
A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Delhi, India and 4 moreSindoorसिंदूर (Hindi)
The vermilion powder a Hindu husband applies to his wife's hair parting to mark her marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic word.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 ChinaHebao荷包 (Hébāo)
A traditional Chinese embroidered pouch used for gifts, medicine, and romantic tokens.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKelaghayiKəlağayı
A traditional silk headscarf exchanged as a marriage proposal and worn at henna parties in Azerbaijan and Armenia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Kyoto, Japan and 5 moreTeeth blackeningohaguro
A traditional practice of dyeing teeth black to signal adulthood and beauty in parts of Asia and Oceania.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Pano Lefkara, CyprusLefkara laceLefkaritika
The intricate white cotton embroidery from Cyprus that forms a bride's essential dowry collection.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Kelaghayi: Urmen19, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Lefkara lace: Cyprus Tourism CH, CC BY 2.0, source
- Claddagh ring: Royalcladdagh, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Shankha: Salil Kumar Mukherjee, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Fede ring: Anonymous ( Europe ) Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Knottekistje: mwibawa, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Teeth blackening: momo, CC BY 2.0, source
- Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Bandhani: RubyGoes, CC BY 2.0, source
- Mizuhiki: User:FA2010, Public domain, source
- Lovespoon: Btinsley785, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Engagement ring: Photo by Derek Ramsey ( Ram-Man ), CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Sindoor: Masum-al-hasan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Acrostic ring: Jlblackmore, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage coin charm: Scott Semans, CC BY 3.0, source