Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
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Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Widow conservation: Keith Ruffles, CC BY 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland: Kaihsu Tai, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source