Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇺🇸 United States and 1 moreWedding registry
A service that helps couples share their gift preferences with guests to avoid duplicates and unwanted items.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Tel Aviv, IsraelSame-sex marriage in Israel
Legal recognition for same-sex couples through foreign or online marriages due to the absence of civil marriage in IsraeModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina
A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇸🇪 Stockholm, SwedenSame-sex marriage in SwedenSambolydning i Sverige
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Sweden since 2009.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent
The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz')
The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS)
A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇹 Lisbon, PortugalSame-sex marriage in PortugalCasamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex in Portugal.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaChild marriage in India
A contested practice where minors marry, defined by law as unions involving a bride under 18.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇷 Buenos Aires, ArgentinaSame-sex marriage in ArgentinaMatrimonio igualitario
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that made Argentina the first nation in Latin America to permit them.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreInterfaith marriage
A union between spouses of different faiths, navigating legal and religious boundaries across the world.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreLavender marriage
A heterosexual union formed to hide the queer identity of one or both partners and protect a public career.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇷 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and 1 moreSame-sex marriage in Brazil
The nationwide legal recognition of same-sex unions following a 2013 judicial ruling.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage
The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Dublin, IrelandSame-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage following a national referendum in 2015Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis
A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Nicosia, CyprusRecognition of same-sex unions in Cyprusπολιτική συμβίωση (Greek), sivil birliktelik (Turkish)
The legal framework for registered partnerships and the ongoing debate over marriage equality in Cyprus.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇨 EcuadorSame-sex civil unions in EcuadorUnión de hecho
Legal recognition of same-sex partnerships granted by the 2008 Constitution and implemented in 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom
A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process
Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match
🇿🇦 South AfricaCivil partnership in South Africa
A legal union in South Africa that grants same-sex and opposite-sex couples the same rights as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat
The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇿 Wellington, New ZealandCivil union in New Zealand
A legal partnership for same-sex and opposite-sex couples established by statute in New Zealand.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec
A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇻 Riga, LatviaCivil partnership in Latviacivilā partnerība
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Latvia that grants most marital rights without adoption or inheritance.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇭 Phnom Penh, CambodiaSame-sex marriage in Cambodia
The legal status and local registry for same-sex couples in Cambodia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreSame-sex marriage and Judaism
How different branches of Judaism handle the union of two people of the same sex.Modern · The ceremony
🇧🇴 Santa Cruz de la Sierra, BoliviaRecognition of same-sex unions in Bolivia
The legal recognition of civil unions and marriages for same-sex couples in Bolivia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile
Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇿 UzbekistanPolygamy in Uzbekistan
The practice of men taking multiple wives in a country where the law strictly forbids it.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Tel Aviv, IsraelSame-sex marriage in Israel
Legal recognition for same-sex couples through foreign or online marriages due to the absence of civil marriage in IsraeModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina
A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇸🇪 Stockholm, SwedenSame-sex marriage in SwedenSambolydning i Sverige
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Sweden since 2009.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent
The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz')
The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS)
A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇹 Lisbon, PortugalSame-sex marriage in PortugalCasamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex in Portugal.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaChild marriage in India
A contested practice where minors marry, defined by law as unions involving a bride under 18.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇷 Buenos Aires, ArgentinaSame-sex marriage in ArgentinaMatrimonio igualitario
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that made Argentina the first nation in Latin America to permit them.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreInterfaith marriage
A union between spouses of different faiths, navigating legal and religious boundaries across the world.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreLavender marriage
A heterosexual union formed to hide the queer identity of one or both partners and protect a public career.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇷 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and 1 moreSame-sex marriage in Brazil
The nationwide legal recognition of same-sex unions following a 2013 judicial ruling.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage
The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Dublin, IrelandSame-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage following a national referendum in 2015Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis
A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Nicosia, CyprusRecognition of same-sex unions in Cyprusπολιτική συμβίωση (Greek), sivil birliktelik (Turkish)
The legal framework for registered partnerships and the ongoing debate over marriage equality in Cyprus.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇨 EcuadorSame-sex civil unions in EcuadorUnión de hecho
Legal recognition of same-sex partnerships granted by the 2008 Constitution and implemented in 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom
A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process
Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match
🇿🇦 South AfricaCivil partnership in South Africa
A legal union in South Africa that grants same-sex and opposite-sex couples the same rights as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat
The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇿 Wellington, New ZealandCivil union in New Zealand
A legal partnership for same-sex and opposite-sex couples established by statute in New Zealand.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec
A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇻 Riga, LatviaCivil partnership in Latviacivilā partnerība
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Latvia that grants most marital rights without adoption or inheritance.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇭 Phnom Penh, CambodiaSame-sex marriage in Cambodia
The legal status and local registry for same-sex couples in Cambodia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreSame-sex marriage and Judaism
How different branches of Judaism handle the union of two people of the same sex.Modern · The ceremony
🇧🇴 Santa Cruz de la Sierra, BoliviaRecognition of same-sex unions in Bolivia
The legal recognition of civil unions and marriages for same-sex couples in Bolivia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile
Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇿 UzbekistanPolygamy in Uzbekistan
The practice of men taking multiple wives in a country where the law strictly forbids it.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent: Hindustanilanguage, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Israel: דוד שי, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Taiwan: Guy of taipei, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Judaism: Rembrandt, Public domain, source
- Civil union in New Zealand: Helen Robinson, CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Lavender marriage: Katharine Cornell and the Playwrights' Company; Vandamm Studio, photog, Public domain, source
- Same-sex marriage and Judaism: Ed and Eddie, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Brazil: Fabio Pozzebom/ABr, CC BY 3.0 br, source
- Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Argentina: Víctor Buggé, CC BY 2.0, source
- Child marriage in India: Baijayant, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland: Kaihsu Tai, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source