Before a wedding, friends often gather to send the bride or groom off with a party.
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Before a wedding, friends often gather to send the bride or groom off with a party. They go by many names: the stag night, hen do, bachelor party, bridal shower, bachelorette, Polterabend, kitchen tea, bucks' party or just a last night out. Some are rowdy, some are quiet gift-giving gatherings, and some are old rites in which the women of a family wash, paint and sing to the bride.
The first kind is a farewell to single life: a night or weekend with friends, with games, drinks and dares. The second kind is a gathering to prepare and equip the couple, such as the bridal shower, where gifts for the home are given, or the henna night, where women decorate the bride and sing. The first has its roots in Sparta and in the toasts of old Europe, and the second in the idea that a community helps a young couple set up a house.
In the West the bridesmaids and best man organise the nights, which are usually separate for the bride and groom, although mixed parties and joint showers are now common. In South Asia and the Middle East, the women's gatherings such as mehndi, sangeet and the henna night are family events with relatives of all ages, with music, dance and a lot of food. In parts of Europe, such as Germany and the Netherlands, the evening before the wedding is a party for friends and neighbours, with the breaking of old porcelain for luck.
Typical customs include dressing the stag in a costume, kidnapping the bride for a night, shower games, a gift of lingerie or kitchenware, and a roast of the couple. In some places the party can become costly, with trips abroad, which puts pressure on friends to spend. Etiquette advice is to plan within the budget of the group, check what the person wants, and keep dares kind.
Parties are now more mixed, lower in cost and more varied: spa days, hikes, cooking classes and dinner parties replace the strip club and the pub crawl. Many couples hold a joint party, and in several countries same-sex couples adapt the customs to their own style. A growing number of guests ask that the night out should not clash with the wedding itself, and that nobody drink so much that the next day is spoilt.
The sangeet, a night of songs and choreographed dances by both families, has grown from a women's evening of dholak singing in Punjab and Gujarat. It is held a day or two before the wedding and has become a show in its own right.
Sangeet, being writtenThe mayun and mehndi nights are for singing, dancing and putting henna on the bride, with the groom's family often bringing henna to the bride's home. Women sing folk songs, and the ceremony may be held separately from men.
Read: MehndiJavanese brides take a midodareni night, a quiet evening at home when the bride is seen as being visited by angels, with a ritual bath called siraman beforehand. Family and friends gather and elders give advice.
Javanese wedding, being writtenThe groom's friends in the past performed the ham-pasa, carrying the box of gifts to the bride's home. Today friends hold a casual night out, and the modern habit of a bachelor party is spreading in cities.
Ham, being writtenThe henna night, kina gecesi, is a women's evening the day before the wedding, with songs and tears as the bride says goodbye to her family. The bride's palm is painted, a coin is put in her hand and the groom's relatives dance.
Henna night, being writtenThe bride's friends gather for the henna night, and the groom's family sends a gift of sweets and a bag of henna, with a band singing to the bride. The zaffa, the lively parade, follows on the wedding night.
Zaffe, being written
Bachelor partyThe groom's farewell night.
Bridal showerThe gift party for the bride.Bachelor partyThe British farewell weekends.
PolterabendThe German eve party with broken porcelain.Stag and doeThe Canadian fundraising party.Rehearsal dinnerThe meal after the practice.Also part of it, and being written: Henna night (The women's evening of henna and song.), Sangeet (The South Asian night of songs.).
Customs differ. Often the guests share the costs, and the guest of honour is treated. It is wise to agree a budget in advance so that no friend is pressed.
No. A shower is a gift-giving event, often at midday, with relatives of both generations. A hen party is a night out or weekend with friends.
Usually a few weeks before the wedding, not the night before, so that everyone is fresh on the day. In some places, like Germany, the evening before is the Polterabend.
Usually the women of both families do, though in some communities the groom's side comes separately. Check with your family, as practice varies.
Yes. Many couples choose a dinner, a spa day, a hike or a cooking class, and joint parties of both partners and friends are now common.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
The traditions written up so far, best known first.
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🇸🇰 SlovakiaMamko Moja
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🇩🇪 Germany and 5 morePolterabend
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🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party
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🇮🇪 Ireland and 3 moreBachelor's Day
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🇩🇪 GermanyWedding Quodlibet
A lighthearted musical piece by J.S. Bach performed at weddings in early 18th-century Germany.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇱 Kraków, PolandWedding of the Weddings
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🇷🇴 Romania and 4 moreCălușariCălușarii
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🇺🇦 Ukraine and 7 moreVechornytsiвечорниці
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🇩🇪 GermanyLandshut WeddingLandshuter Hochzeit
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The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
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