Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇮🇹 ItalyFede ring
A clasped-hands ring that symbolizes betrothal and faithfulness in marriage traditions.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond
A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇹 Lisbon, PortugalSame-sex marriage in PortugalCasamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex in Portugal.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower
A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS)
A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis
The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony
🇩🇪 Germany and 5 moreMorganatic marriageEhe zur linken Hand
A union between people of unequal rank that bars the spouse and children from inheriting titles or throne rights.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage
The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis
A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Athens, GreeceSame-sex marriage in GreeceΟμοφυλοφιλικός γάμος (Omofylofilikos gamos)
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex, effective since February 2024.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat
The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática
A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik
A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇻 Riga, LatviaCivil partnership in Latviacivilā partnerība
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Latvia that grants most marital rights without adoption or inheritance.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 3 moreHerem of Rabbeinu GershomḤerem de-Rabbeinu Gershom
Medieval ordinances that banned polygyny and forced divorce for Ashkenazi Jews.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile
Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom
A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství
The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyKranzgeld
The obsolete German legal compensation paid to a woman if her fiancé broke the engagement after sex.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Same-sex marriage in Greece: Mzimu, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Dower: Pvasiliadis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Fede ring: Anonymous ( Europe ) Unknown author, Public domain, source
- More danico: Edward Burne-Jones, Public domain, source
- Morganatic marriage: Sergei Lvovich Levitsky (1819 – 1898) and Rafail Sergeevich Levitsky (, Public domain, source
- Herem of Rabbeinu Gershom: Nixnubix, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source