Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح)
The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah)
The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match
🇰🇷 South Korea and 5 moreBlessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchHoly Marriage Blessing Ceremony (축복결혼식)
A large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal
The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין
The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Tel Aviv, IsraelSame-sex marriage in Israel
Legal recognition for same-sex couples through foreign or online marriages due to the absence of civil marriage in IsraeModern · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreYibbumייבום
A Jewish rite where a brother marries his childless deceased brother's widow to continue the family line.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu)
The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇹 Lisbon, PortugalSame-sex marriage in PortugalCasamento entre pessoas do mesmo sexo
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex in Portugal.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 2 moreHindu weddingvivaha (विवाह)
The traditional marriage ceremony for Hindus, centered on sacred fire and seven vows.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇷 Buenos Aires, ArgentinaSame-sex marriage in ArgentinaMatrimonio igualitario
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that made Argentina the first nation in Latin America to permit them.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFede ring
A clasped-hands ring that symbolizes betrothal and faithfulness in marriage traditions.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Hawaii, United StatesCommon-law marriage in the United States
A legal union formed by mutual consent and public presentation without a license or ceremony.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇷 Iran and 5 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة
A private contract for a fixed-term marriage practiced in Twelver Shia Islam.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana
The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess
The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 2 moreJewish prenuptial agreement
A contract signed before the wedding to ensure a Jewish divorce can happen if one spouse refuses.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 5 moreDowry
A payment of wealth from the bride's family to the groom or his household at marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower
A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS)
A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה
The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇪 Stockholm, SwedenSame-sex marriage in SwedenSambolydning i Sverige
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Sweden since 2009.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod
A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring
A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond
A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz')
The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇶 Iraq and 1 moreInterdenominational marriage
A wedding between two people of different denominations within the same religion.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇬 Egypt and 2 moreMisyar marriageزواج المسيار (zawāj al-misyār)
A Sunni Islamic contract where the wife waives cohabitation and financial support in exchange for a legal union.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreLavender marriage
A heterosexual union formed to hide the queer identity of one or both partners and protect a public career.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaDaiva marriageदैवविवाह (Daivavivāha)
An ancient Hindu rite where a daughter is given to the priest who officiates her father's sacrifice.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Las Vegas, United StatesLas Vegas weddings
Quick civil or religious ceremonies held in Las Vegas due to easy licensing and diverse venues.Setting · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 5 moreMorganatic marriageEhe zur linken Hand
A union between people of unequal rank that bars the spouse and children from inheriting titles or throne rights.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreInterfaith marriage
A union between spouses of different faiths, navigating legal and religious boundaries across the world.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇷 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and 1 moreSame-sex marriage in Brazil
The nationwide legal recognition of same-sex unions following a 2013 judicial ruling.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage
The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis
The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 4 moreHeqin和親 (Héqīn)
A historical Chinese policy of uniting imperial families with neighboring rulers to secure peace.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis
A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇿🇦 South AfricaPolygamy in South Africa
The practice of men marrying more than one wife under customary and Islamic law in South Africa.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Nicosia, CyprusRecognition of same-sex unions in Cyprusπολιτική συμβίωση (Greek), sivil birliktelik (Turkish)
The legal framework for registered partnerships and the ongoing debate over marriage equality in Cyprus.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreSame-sex marriage and Judaism
How different branches of Judaism handle the union of two people of the same sex.Modern · The ceremony
🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev
The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Polygamy in South Africa: Unknown author, CC BY 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage and Judaism: Ed and Eddie, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Blessing ceremony of the Unification Church: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Dowry system in India: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Same-sex marriage in Israel: דוד שי, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Ketubah: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
- Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
- Nikah: عامر شاہین, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Taiwan: Guy of taipei, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Yibbum: School of Rembrandt, Public domain, source
- Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Judaism: Rembrandt, Public domain, source
- Dowry: Vassili Vladimirovich Pukiryov, Public domain, source
- Dower: Pvasiliadis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lavender marriage: Katharine Cornell and the Playwrights' Company; Vandamm Studio, photog, Public domain, source
- Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Morganatic marriage: Sergei Lvovich Levitsky (1819 – 1898) and Rafail Sergeevich Levitsky (, Public domain, source
- Heqin: पाटलिपुत्र, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Brazil: Fabio Pozzebom/ABr, CC BY 3.0 br, source
- Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Engagement ring: Photo by Derek Ramsey ( Ram-Man ), CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Hindu wedding: Dinesh Cyanam, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Argentina: Víctor Buggé, CC BY 2.0, source
- Fede ring: Anonymous ( Europe ) Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Las Vegas weddings: Henrickson ( talk ) ( Uploads ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source