Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match

🇲🇱 MaliWeddings in Mali Multi-day Malian wedding traditions blending Islamic rites, civil law, and local customs with bazin attire.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match

🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match 🇰🇪 KenyaKoito A Kalenjin dowry negotiation ritual that marks the formal agreement between families.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreHausa traditional marriage The Islamic marriage rites of the Hausa people in Northern Nigeria and Niger.Rite · Finding a match 🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match

🇺🇬 UgandaGomesi The floor-length traditional dress worn by women in Buganda and Busoga for weddings and formal events.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 NigeriaFattening room A traditional Nigerian retreat where Efik women are secluded to learn skills and gain weight before marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇿🇦 South AfricaPolygamy in South Africa The practice of men marrying more than one wife under customary and Islamic law in South Africa.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇭 GhanaPolygamy in Ghana A practice where a man has multiple wives, recognized under customary law but illegal under civil statutes.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇺 Mauritius and 1 moreGeet-Gawai𑂏𑂲𑂞 𑂏𑂫𑂰𑂆 (Bhojpuri) A pre-wedding ritual of Bhojpuri-speaking people in Mauritius featuring songs and dance.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇬 UgandaNaleyo A courtship dance of the Karamojong people where men and women jump facing each other to find partners.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇬 UgandaLarakaraka An Acholi courtship dance where young men display agility to attract a partner.Play · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇬 UgandaGaze A traditional dance of the Lugbara people in Northern Uganda performed at weddings and festivalsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇬 UgandaOkeme A lively Lango folk dance performed at weddings to bring the community together.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Larakaraka: Tabwoch, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Gomesi: sarahemcc, CC BY 2.0, source
Okeme: Emma Oruk, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Weddings in Mali: HawaG, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Polygamy in South Africa: Unknown author, CC BY 4.0, source
Hausa traditional marriage: Bembety, CC0, source
Ayie: SteveRwanda, CC BY-SA 3.0, source