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EveryShaadi

Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
KindRiteVowBetrothalGift customAttireAdornmentPerformanceFeast customBlessingPlayFamily roleSettingModern
🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah) The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match 🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح) The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreIranian weddingمراسم عروسی در ایران A multi-stage celebration rooted in Zoroastrian tradition and adapted by Islamic customs across Iran.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Tel Aviv, IsraelSame-sex marriage in Israel Legal recognition for same-sex couples through foreign or online marriages due to the absence of civil marriage in IsraeModern · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreYibbumייבום A Jewish rite where a brother marries his childless deceased brother's widow to continue the family line.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz') The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇷 Iran and 5 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة A private contract for a fixed-term marriage practiced in Twelver Shia Islam.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇶 Baghdad, IraqWedding traditions in Iraq A structured sequence of arranged matches, religious vows, and family feasts across Iraqi communities.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 2 moreJewish prenuptial agreement A contract signed before the wedding to ensure a Jewish divorce can happen if one spouse refuses.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇶 Iraq and 1 moreInterdenominational marriage A wedding between two people of different denominations within the same religion.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 2 morePolygamy in Saudi Arabia A legal marriage structure allowing a man to have up to four wives under Islamic law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 5 moreCousin marriage in the Middle East A traditional practice of marrying close relatives, especially paternal cousins, across Middle Eastern communities.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreLieberman clause A ketubah provision for rabbinic arbitration to prevent a woman from being unable to remarry.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇷 Iran and 3 moreXwedodahxwidōdāh A Zoroastrian rite of close-kin marriage rooted in ancient cosmology and royal tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇾 Nicosia, CyprusRecognition of same-sex unions in Cyprusπολιτική συμβίωση (Greek), sivil birliktelik (Turkish) The legal framework for registered partnerships and the ongoing debate over marriage equality in Cyprus.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇾🇪 YemenPolygamy in Yemen A legal practice allowing Muslim men to marry up to four wives under specific conditions.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 IsraelIsha katlanitאישה קטלנית A Jewish legal concept regarding a widow who has lost two husbands and the risks associated with her remarrying.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇾 Pano Lefkara, CyprusLefkara laceLefkaritika The intricate white cotton embroidery from Cyprus that forms a bride's essential dowry collection.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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