Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇫🇯 FijiTabua
A polished sperm whale tooth exchanged as a gift in Fijian weddings and ceremonies.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼)
A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match
🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia
A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄
A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇷🇺 RussiaEastern Orthodox marriage
The Byzantine Rite ceremony where a priest crowns the couple to seal their union in Christ.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKyz kuu
A horse race where a man chases a woman to win a kiss or faces her whip if he failsPlay · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇿 Kazakhstan and 1 moreKazakh wedding ceremonyҮйлену тойы (Üilenu toiy)
The multi-stage Kazakh marriage process featuring the face-revealing feast and the Islamic religious contract.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന
A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina
Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar
A blend of Buddhist rites, astrological timing, and family negotiations that defines union across Myanmar's diverse ethnRite · Finding a match
🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads
Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح)
The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇱 MaliWeddings in Mali
Multi-day Malian wedding traditions blending Islamic rites, civil law, and local customs with bazin attire.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanMizuhiki水引
The knotted paper cord that adorns Japanese wedding gifts and envelopesAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring
A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah)
The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match
🇮🇳 IndiaShankha
White conch shell bangles worn by Bengali Hindu married women as a symbol of their husband's well-being.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 1 moreWedding registry
A service that helps couples share their gift preferences with guests to avoid duplicates and unwanted items.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Bhuj, India and 1 moreBandhani
A traditional Indian tie-dye method that creates intricate dot patterns by binding small sections of cloth before dyeingAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni
A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇰🇷 South Korea and 5 moreBlessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchHoly Marriage Blessing Ceremony (축복결혼식)
A large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇰 Sri LankaBeena marriage
A pre-Islamic Arabian custom where the husband moves to the wife's home and she keeps her own tent.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price
Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal
The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaSvayamvaraस्वयंवर
The ancient Hindu ceremony where a princess picks her husband from assembled suitorsBetrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding
The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 2 moreAla kachuuала качуу
A Kyrgyz custom of taking a woman for marriage, ranging from consensual elopement to forced abduction.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic)
A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין
The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman
A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match
🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo
The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos
The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAiburo Bhaatআইবুড়ো ভাত
The final bachelor feast for the bride and groom before their Bengali weddingFeast custom · The weeks before
🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland
The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreYibbumייבום
A Jewish rite where a brother marries his childless deceased brother's widow to continue the family line.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaZoroastrian wedding
A Zoroastrian marriage ceremony featuring hand-fastening, rice sprinkling, and shared meals.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaSakharpuda
The Maharashtrian engagement rite where sugar and coconuts seal a verbal promise between families.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding
A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇪 Peru and 4 moreBride service
Labor provided by the groom to the bride's family as part of the marriage arrangement.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 2 moreJewish prenuptial agreement
A contract signed before the wedding to ensure a Jewish divorce can happen if one spouse refuses.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaStag and doe
A Canadian fundraiser where guests pay to help the couple cover wedding costs.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih)
The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring
A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana
The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreHausa traditional marriage
The Islamic marriage rites of the Hausa people in Northern Nigeria and Niger.Rite · Finding a match
🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan
A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaMeitei weddingLuhongba (ꯂꯨꯍꯣꯡꯕ)
The traditional union of the Meitei people, marked by clan exogamy and specific courtship rituals.Rite · Finding a match
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Svayamvara: Nandalal Bose, Public domain, source
- Ala kachuu: Illus. in: Turkestanskii al'bom, chast' étnograficheskaia: ..., 1871-1, Public domain, source
- Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
- Weddings in Mali: HawaG, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Shankha: Salil Kumar Mukherjee, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Blessing ceremony of the Unification Church: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
- Eastern Orthodox marriage: VitVit, CC BY 3.0, source
- Tabua: Hannes Grobe /AWI, CC BY 3.0, source
- Aiburo Bhaat: Ranganm2021, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Nikah: عامر شاہین, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Mizuhiki: User:FA2010, Public domain, source
- Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Yibbum: School of Rembrandt, Public domain, source
- Bandhani: RubyGoes, CC BY 2.0, source
- Imilchil Marriage Festival: Zakaria ElQotbi, CC BY 2.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Kyz kuu: SSGT JEREMY T. LOCK, Public domain, source
- Kazakh wedding ceremony: jerome taylor, CC BY 2.0, source
- Oppana: Shagil Kannur, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Jewish wedding: Jozef Israëls, Public domain, source
- Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
- Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Chinese pre-wedding customs: Anonymous ( China ) Unknown author, CC0, source
- Engagement ring: Photo by Derek Ramsey ( Ram-Man ), CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
- Hausa traditional marriage: Bembety, CC0, source
- Meitei wedding: Dabu Leichombam, CC BY-SA 4.0, source