Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar
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🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄
A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
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Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
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The gift exchange and family alliance rituals practiced on the island of Timor.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇻🇳 VietnamTraditional Vietnamese weddingLễ cưới truyền thống Việt Nam
The multi-stage ceremony of betrothal, engagement and union that marks a marriage in Vietnam.Attire · Finding a match
🇮🇩 IndonesiaMinangkabau marriage
A matrilineal wedding tradition from West Sumatra where the groom moves into his wife's family home.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod
A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇧🇳 BruneiBrunei Malay wedding
The sequence of ceremonies that mark the engagement and marriage of Brunei Malays.Rite · Finding a match
🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan
The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇲🇲 Myanmar and 1 moreMayu-Dama
The Kachin kinship system that defines who can marry whom through wife-giver and wife-taker rolesBetrothal · Finding a match
🇰🇭 Phnom Penh, CambodiaSame-sex marriage in Cambodia
The legal status and local registry for same-sex couples in Cambodia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesCourtship in the Philippines
A traditional Filipino courtship marked by serenade, service, and family involvement.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇩 IndonesiaPolygamy in Indonesia
The legal and customary practice of men having multiple wives across Indonesian faiths and communities.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Quezon City, PhilippinesBinukot
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🇮🇩 Indonesia and 4 morePantunڤنتون
A Malayic oral poetry form used in wedding greetings and daily communication to express ideas through rhyme.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesHarana
A traditional Filipino courtship serenade where a suitor sings beneath a woman's window at night.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 morePrenuptial agreement
A written contract signed before marriage to define property rights and financial outcomes.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Harana: Markytour777, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Pantun: Nurmalinda Maharfar, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Courtship in the Philippines: Markytour777, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Binukot: Francisco Ignacio Alcina, Public domain, source
- Prenuptial agreement: Jan Josef Horemans the Younger, Public domain, source
- Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
- Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
- Minangkabau marriage: Mamasamala, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Traditional Vietnamese wedding: Gabrielle M. Vassal, Public domain, source
- Timorese wedding traditions: ColinTrainor, CC BY-SA 4.0, source