Wedding money, envelopes and who pays

Who pays

Practice differs by country and generation. Traditionally in the West the bride's family paid, in India it is often the bride's family still, in much of the Middle East and Central Asia the groom pays the mahr or kalym and a large part of the party, and in parts of Africa both families contribute through bride wealth and gifts. In recent decades the couple themselves often pay, with help from parents on both sides. In several countries, the cost of a wedding is a major cause of debt for families, and some governments and religious bodies have urged limits on spending.

Envelopes and cash gifts

Across East Asia, Italy, the Middle East, South Asia and parts of Europe, guests give cash in an envelope, which both helps the couple and covers the cost of the meal. In China the hongbao is red, in Korea the buijo envelope is white and the amount is based on closeness and the meal price, often in odd numbers of 50,000 or 100,000 won, in India shagun envelopes hold an amount ending in one, such as 501 or 1,101, so that it cannot be divided, and in Italy the busta is given at the reception. Guests commonly try to give at least enough to cover their own meal. Amounts and numbers vary by region and family, so ask a relative.

Money at the party

Some places make giving public. In Nigeria guests spray notes on the dancing couple, a sign of goodwill and sometimes a show of status. In Poland and Slovakia the oczepiny or dollar dance has guests pay to dance with the bride, and in Greece notes are pinned to the dress and the groom's clothes at the money dance. In the United States the registry lists the gifts the couple would like, and cash funds for the honeymoon or home are common. Each custom lets the guests give with festivity rather than in private.

Costs, debt and a gentler approach

The average wedding costs a large share of a year's income in many countries, and families sometimes borrow heavily, particularly where gold, a hall and a large guest list are expected. Some couples keep costs down with small weddings, weekday dates, potluck meals and community halls, and mass weddings arranged by religious or civic groups cut costs for poor families. When in doubt, plan the budget before the guest list, and accept that guests would rather attend a simple, warm party than a stretched one.

Wedding money, envelopes and who pays around the world

Compare all 18 places

Traditions to start with

Red envelopeThe Chinese hongbao of cash.Money danceThe dance for pinned or paid notes.Wedding registryThe list of gifts a couple wants.DowryThe contested gift to the groom's family.Bride priceThe payment from groom's to bride's family.Aso ebiThe matching cloth of Nigerian weddings.

Also part of it, and being written: Shagun (The Indian gift of cash and blessing.), Mahr (The Islamic gift from groom to bride.), Lobola (The southern African bride wealth.).

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