Bride price, dowry and gifts
What passes between families: lobola, mahr, dowry, red envelopes, trousseau and registry. Contested practices are described with their legal status.
Bride price, dowry, mahr, trousseau, red envelopes and registry gifts are all ways that wealth moves at a wedding. They are among the most debated customs in the world, because the same word can describe a gift of honour, a legal right, a negotiated price or an illegal demand. This page names the customs carefully and states where they are lawful and where they are not.
Different things with similar names
Bride price is paid by the groom's side to the bride's family, as lobola in southern Africa, kalym in parts of Central Asia and mahari among the Kikuyu. Dowry flows the other way, from the bride's family to the bride or the groom's household, and is still widespread in South Asia though illegal in India under the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961. Mahr is different again: in Islamic law it is a gift owed by the husband directly to the wife, and belongs to her. The Chinese red envelope, the Korean hahm, and the Jewish ketubah settlement each have their own logic.
Meaning and harm
Many families who pay lobola say it honours the bride's family and creates a bond between two households. Critics say it can turn a woman into property, trap her in an abusive marriage, or load the groom with debt. Dowry has been linked to violence and to pressure on the bride, and campaigns against it are active in India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Nepal. Where a custom is illegal or contested, the page says so plainly.
Gifts that stay with the bride
The trousseau, a set of linen, jewellery, clothes and household goods prepared by the bride's family, goes back centuries in Europe and the Middle East. In Greece the proika, in Italy the corredo, and in Ireland the bottom drawer all carry the idea. Today the gift registry and the honeymoon fund serve a similar purpose: helping a couple start a household.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Bride price, dowry and gifts (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح)
The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 3 moreNikah halalaنکاح حلالہ
A second marriage required for a woman to remarry her first husband after triple talaq.Vow · After the wedding
🇫🇯 FijiTabua
A polished sperm whale tooth exchanged as a gift in Fijian weddings and ceremonies.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price
Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 JapanShūgi-bukuro祝儀袋
The decorative envelope used to present monetary gifts at Japanese weddings and celebrations.Gift custom · Reception, dance and gifts
🇨🇳 China and 5 moreBride buying
The exchange of money or goods for a woman to become a wife.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaBride buying in India
The forced purchase of women from impoverished regions for arranged marriages in Northern India.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة
A fixed-term Shia marriage contract with an agreed length and an agreed mahrVow
🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu)
The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage
A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇳 IndiaArabikalyanam
A temporary marriage arrangement between Arabian men and women in Kerala that has been linked to exploitation.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 Canada and 1 moreMarriage à la façon du paysMariage à la façon du pays
The common-law unions between European fur traders and Indigenous women that shaped North American history.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار
A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇿🇦 South AfricaUkuthwalwa
A South African practice of abducting a woman for marriage, now largely illegal and contested.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding
A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇪 Peru and 4 moreBride service
Labor provided by the groom to the bride's family as part of the marriage arrangement.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih)
The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring
A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage
A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇳🇬 NigeriaLefe
The presentation of gifts from the groom to the bride in Hausa weddings.Gift custom · The weeks before
🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi
The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 6 moreRed envelope红包 (hóngbāo)
A gift of money in a red paper sleeve exchanged at weddings and holidays to bring good luck.Gift custom · The wedding feast
🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange
A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 5 moreDowry
A payment of wealth from the bride's family to the groom or his household at marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower
A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇱 Dili, Timor-Leste and 1 moreTimorese wedding traditionsBarlake
The gift exchange and family alliance rituals practiced on the island of Timor.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇰🇪 KenyaKoito
A Kalenjin dowry negotiation ritual that marks the formal agreement between families.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇬 Egypt and 2 moreMisyar marriageزواج المسيار (zawāj al-misyār)
A Sunni Islamic contract where the wife waives cohabitation and financial support in exchange for a legal union.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 1 moreVaniونى (Urdu)
A forced child marriage used as compensation to settle tribal disputes in Pakistan.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇺 AustraliaWishing well
A decorated box where guests leave cash or small gifts for couples who already have a home.Gift custom · Reception, dance and gifts
🇰🇪 Kenya and 1 moreAyie
The Luo bride price ceremony where the mother accepts payment and agrees to the marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇫 Afghanistan and 1 moreBaad
A customary settlement where a girl or woman is handed over to an offended household to close a dispute.Gift custom
🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 5 moreCousin marriage in the Middle East
A traditional practice of marrying close relatives, especially paternal cousins, across Middle Eastern communities.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaKandyan marriage
The traditional union rites of Sri Lanka's Buddhist Kandyan community, defined by residence and inheritance.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇿🇦 South AfricaUkungenwa
A South African custom where a widowed woman is inherited by her late husband's male relatives.Family role · After the wedding
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreTongyangxi童養媳 (tóngyǎngxí); Hokkien: 媳婦仔 (sim-pū-á)
An adopted girl raised beside a son so a poor family could be sure he would have a wifeBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇩 BangladeshPolygamy in Bangladesh
The practice of men taking multiple wives, regulated by different laws for Muslims and Hindus.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇾🇪 YemenPolygamy in Yemen
A legal practice allowing Muslim men to marry up to four wives under specific conditions.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇩 ChadPolygamy in Chad
A legally recognized marriage structure where one husband has multiple wives across Chadian communities.Family role
🇹🇷 TurkeyPolygamy in Turkey
The practice of having multiple spouses, banned by law since the mid-twentieth century.Gift custom
🇱🇾 LibyaPolygamy in Libya
The practice of men marrying multiple wives within Libyan law and custom.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Shūgi-bukuro: Nesnad, CC BY 4.0, source
- Bride buying in India: Jorge Royan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Dowry system in India: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Tabua: Hannes Grobe /AWI, CC BY 3.0, source
- Nikah: عامر شاہین, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Ukuthwalwa: Federal Bureau of Investigation, Public domain, source
- Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
- Chinese pre-wedding customs: Anonymous ( China ) Unknown author, CC0, source
- Tongyangxi: Unknown photographer, Public domain, source
- Engagement ring: Photo by Derek Ramsey ( Ram-Man ), CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Lefe: Useendk, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Red envelope: Oldie~commonswiki, Public domain, source
- Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Dowry: Vassili Vladimirovich Pukiryov, Public domain, source
- Dower: Pvasiliadis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Timorese wedding traditions: ColinTrainor, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Wishing well: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Ayie: SteveRwanda, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Polygamy in Turkey: Studio? Photographer?, Public domain, source