Weddings cost money, and every culture has rules about who pays, what guests give and how.
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Weddings cost money, and every culture has rules about who pays, what guests give and how. A hongbao in China, a buijo envelope in Korea, a busta in Italy, shagun in India, spraying in Nigeria, the dollar dance in Poland, pinned notes in Greece and the registry in the United States all solve the same problem: a wedding is expensive, and the community helps. This page describes those customs honestly, with attention to cost and debt.
Practice differs by country and generation. Traditionally in the West the bride's family paid, in India it is often the bride's family still, in much of the Middle East and Central Asia the groom pays the mahr or kalym and a large part of the party, and in parts of Africa both families contribute through bride wealth and gifts. In recent decades the couple themselves often pay, with help from parents on both sides. In several countries, the cost of a wedding is a major cause of debt for families, and some governments and religious bodies have urged limits on spending.
Across East Asia, Italy, the Middle East, South Asia and parts of Europe, guests give cash in an envelope, which both helps the couple and covers the cost of the meal. In China the hongbao is red, in Korea the buijo envelope is white and the amount is based on closeness and the meal price, often in odd numbers of 50,000 or 100,000 won, in India shagun envelopes hold an amount ending in one, such as 501 or 1,101, so that it cannot be divided, and in Italy the busta is given at the reception. Guests commonly try to give at least enough to cover their own meal. Amounts and numbers vary by region and family, so ask a relative.
Some places make giving public. In Nigeria guests spray notes on the dancing couple, a sign of goodwill and sometimes a show of status. In Poland and Slovakia the oczepiny or dollar dance has guests pay to dance with the bride, and in Greece notes are pinned to the dress and the groom's clothes at the money dance. In the United States the registry lists the gifts the couple would like, and cash funds for the honeymoon or home are common. Each custom lets the guests give with festivity rather than in private.
The average wedding costs a large share of a year's income in many countries, and families sometimes borrow heavily, particularly where gold, a hall and a large guest list are expected. Some couples keep costs down with small weddings, weekday dates, potluck meals and community halls, and mass weddings arranged by religious or civic groups cut costs for poor families. When in doubt, plan the budget before the guest list, and accept that guests would rather attend a simple, warm party than a stretched one.
Guests and relatives give shagun in an envelope, with an odd amount such as 501 or 1,101, since the extra rupee is lucky and the sum cannot be divided evenly. The groom's side may receive a tilak gift and the family of the bride often bears most of the costs.
Shagun, being writtenRelatives give salami, cash tucked into the hand or an envelope, and the groom's family presents the mahr and often jewellery to the bride. The dowry, jahez, is widely given even though many scholars and campaigners criticise it, and laws in several provinces limit its size.
Mahr, being writtenGuests give an envelope with cash at the reception, and the groom's family brings trays of gifts, the sinh le, to the bride's home. Red and gold are the favoured colours of the gifts.
Vietnamese wedding, being writtenGuests give a red hongbao at the reception, and the bride's family may receive a betrothal gift, caili, from the groom's side. The sum is often even for good luck and avoids 4, which sounds like death.
Read: Red envelopeGuests give a white buijo envelope at the door, with 50,000 won to 100,000 won or more, depending on closeness, and often an amount that covers the meal. Odd-numbered notes and the bank number are avoided, and the amount is a topic of care.
Culture of South Korea, being writtenThe groom's family traditionally pays a bride price, the kalym, which is now officially discouraged or banned in several Central Asian states, while in practice gifts of livestock, cash or goods still change hands. Guests give cash gifts at the toi.
Kalym, being written
Red envelopeThe Chinese hongbao of cash.Money danceThe dance for pinned or paid notes.Wedding registryThe list of gifts a couple wants.
DowryThe contested gift to the groom's family.
Bride priceThe payment from groom's to bride's family.
Aso ebiThe matching cloth of Nigerian weddings.Also part of it, and being written: Shagun (The Indian gift of cash and blessing.), Mahr (The Islamic gift from groom to bride.), Lobola (The southern African bride wealth.).
It depends on the country, your relationship and what the family expects. A common rule is to cover the cost of your meal and add something for the couple. Ask a relative or friend if you are unsure.
In India an extra rupee makes the gift indivisible and lucky. In Korea odd-numbered bills are not required and practice differs by family, so check, but the point is the same: avoid amounts that signal separation.
It varies: the bride's family, the groom's family, both, or the couple. Many modern couples share the costs with parents, and the key is to agree on it early.
In India, dowry has been banned since the Dowry Prohibition Act of 1961, and similar laws exist in Pakistan, Bangladesh and Nepal, though gifts are still given. It is linked to harm to women, and campaigners urge families to refuse it.
Yes. Weekday dates, home or community venues, fewer guests and shared cooking can cut costs a lot. Many couples find a small wedding as memorable as a large one.
A list of gifts the couple would like, kept in a shop or online, so that guests do not buy duplicates. Some now include cash funds for a honeymoon or a home.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
The traditions written up so far, best known first.
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The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
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