Family roles and who does what
Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.
A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.
Giving and receiving
Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.
Witnesses and supporters
Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.
What is changing
Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 3 moreBlessing ceremony
The large-scale marriage rite of the Unification Church where couples are matched and blessed by their leaders.Rite · The ceremony
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼)
A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match
🇰🇷 South Korea and 5 moreBlessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchHoly Marriage Blessing Ceremony (축복결혼식)
A large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 Guangdong, China and 2 moreQungua裙褂
A two-piece embroidered jacket and skirt worn by Cantonese brides for their wedding ceremony.Attire · The ceremony
🇨🇳 Shanghai, ChinaShanghai Marriage Market人民公园相亲角 (Rénmín Gōngyuán Xiāngqīn Jiǎo)
Parents pin written profiles of their unmarried children to strings in a Shanghai parkBetrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇳 ChinaNaked marriage裸婚 (luǒhūn)
A wedding without a house, car, or ring, chosen by couples in China for love and financial necessity.Modern · The weeks before
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market
Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai)
A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanSame-sex marriage in Japan同性結婚 (dōsei kekkon)
The legal battle and local partnership systems for same-sex couples in JapanModern
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreTraditional Chinese wedding dress
The wedding attire worn by Han Chinese couples, from the fengguan xiapei to the qunguaAttire · The ceremony
🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn)
A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreGhost marriage冥婚 (mínghūn)
A union arranged for deceased individuals to ensure harmony in the afterlife and care in this one.Rite · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 3 moreMarriage coin charm夫妇和合花钱 (fū fù hé hé huā qián)
Numismatic amulets from East Asia that carry wedding blessings and fertility symbols.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 6 moreRed envelope红包 (hóngbāo)
A gift of money in a red paper sleeve exchanged at weddings and holidays to bring good luck.Gift custom · The wedding feast
🇨🇳 China and 5 morePosthumous marriageminghun
A union performed when one or both partners have died, kept in parts of Asia and permitted by law in a few nations.Betrothal · After the wedding
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 4 moreHeqin和親 (Héqīn)
A historical Chinese policy of uniting imperial families with neighboring rulers to secure peace.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 ChinaPlace card
A small card that tells a wedding guest where to sit and who sits next to them.Feast custom · Reception, dance and gifts
🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process
Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreTongyangxi童養媳 (tóngyǎngxí); Hokkien: 媳婦仔 (sim-pū-á)
An adopted girl raised beside a son so a poor family could be sure he would have a wifeBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 JapanYobai夜這い
A Japanese tradition of nighttime courtship visits before marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 4 moreCloud collar云肩 (yúnjiān)
A detachable shoulder collar worn by Han Chinese brides to frame the face and symbolize cosmic order.Attire · The weeks before
🇯🇵 Kyoto, Japan and 5 moreTeeth blackeningohaguro
A traditional practice of dyeing teeth black to signal adulthood and beauty in parts of Asia and Oceania.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Blessing ceremony: Farragutful, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Tongyangxi: Unknown photographer, Public domain, source
- Place card: Elizabeth Sullivan, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Japan: User:Jedi Friend, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Teeth blackening: momo, CC BY 2.0, source
- Qungua: Fduyjfroea Homz, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Shanghai Marriage Market: Jpbowen, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Cloud collar: Unknown author, CC0, source
- Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Xiuhefu: Tunere, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Red envelope: Oldie~commonswiki, Public domain, source
- Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
- Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Marriage coin charm: Scott Semans, CC BY 3.0, source
- Blessing ceremony of the Unification Church: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Heqin: पाटलिपुत्र, CC BY-SA 4.0, source