Family roles and who does what

Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.

A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.

Giving and receiving

Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.

Witnesses and supporters

Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.

What is changing

Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇬🇷 Crete, GreecePentozaliΠεντοζάλης The vigorous Cretan war dance of high jumps and improvisation that marks the wedding procession.Performance · Procession and arrival

🇺🇦 Ukraine and 2 moreRushnykрушник (Ukrainian), ручнік (Belarusian), ручник/рушник (Russian) The embroidered linen cloth that marks life stages and guides the couple through the wedding ceremony in East Slavic culAdornment · The weeks before

🇩🇪 Hamburg, Germany and 3 moreWimpelווימפל A linen sash made from a baby boy's circumcision cloth that binds the Torah scroll.Adornment · The weeks before 🇬🇧 United KingdomGift registry A public wish list managed by retailers to coordinate wedding gifts and prevent duplicates.Feast custom · The weeks before

🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic) A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇷🇴 Romania and 7 moreHorahora (Romanian), horo (Bulgarian), oro (Macedonian), horah (Hebrew) A circle dance held at weddings across Southeast Europe and among Jewish communities worldwide.Performance · Reception, dance and gifts

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United KingdomPage boy A young male member of the bridal party who manages the bride's train or carries the wedding rings.Family role · The ceremony

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreBedding ceremony The public ritual of placing the newlyweds in their marital bed to witness and seal the marriage.Rite · The ceremony

🇫🇷 Paris, FranceGlobe de mariée A glass bell jar used in France to hold the bride's bouquet and preserve family memories.Adornment · The weeks before 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreQuaker wedding A silent ceremony where Friends witness each other's vows without clergy or rigid rituals.Rite · The weeks before

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match

🇫🇮 Finland and 5 moreBanns of marriagekuulutukset avioliittoon (Finnish) The public announcement of an impending marriage in church or town hall to allow for legal objections.Vow · The weeks before

🇷🇺 Russia and 5 moreBread and salt A traditional welcome offering of bread and salt to guests or newlyweds in Slavic, Baltic, and Balkan cultures.Feast custom · The weeks before 🇭🇺 HungaryVőfély The Hungarian wedding host who guides the couple through rites, speeches, and traditions.Family role · Finding a match 🇵🇱 Poland and 5 moreMoney dance A reception ritual where guests give cash to the couple while dancing or showering them with notes.Feast custom · Reception, dance and gifts 🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Berlin, Germany and 5 morePolterabend The German pre-wedding evening where guests smash porcelain to bring luck to the couple.Blessing · The eve

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreCare cloth A linen or silk cloth held over the heads of a bride and groom during a Christian wedding blessing.Attire · The ceremony

🇮🇹 ItalyConfarreatio The ancient Roman patrician marriage rite marked by sharing a sacred emmer cake.Rite · The ceremony

🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party A gathering to announce a new engagement and introduce the two families before the wedding.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇫🇷 France and 5 moreProxy marriage A union where one or both partners are absent and represented by another person.Vow · The ceremony 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn) The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇱 Kraków, PolandWedding of the Weddings A Polish annual gathering for couples who chose alcohol-free wedding receptions.Feast custom · The ceremony

🇷🇴 Romania and 4 moreCălușariCălușarii A traditional Romanian spring dance and male society known for acrobatic leaps and ritual healing.Performance · The weeks before 🇳🇴 NorwayEsbat A monthly Wiccan gathering held around the moon phases for ritual and communityBlessing · The ceremony

🇩🇪 Germany and 3 moreHerem of Rabbeinu GershomḤerem de-Rabbeinu Gershom Medieval ordinances that banned polygyny and forced divorce for Ashkenazi Jews.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 1 moreMarriage stone A carved stone bearing the initials and date of a newly married couple, placed on a building to mark their union.Adornment · After the wedding

🇮🇹 Rome, Italy and 1 moreContubernium A recognized union between slaves or a slave and a free person in ancient RomeBetrothal · After the wedding 🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇩🇪 Germany and 2 moreGet of Cleves A disputed 1766 Jewish divorce document that sparked international rabbinic debate over mental competence.Vow · After the wedding 🇩🇪 GermanyBeilager A public ceremony in German-speaking lands where witnesses observed the couple entering the marriage bed to finalize theRite · The ceremony

🇬🇷 Kythnos, GreeceBalosΜπάλος της Κύθνου A vigorous paired folk dance from the Greek island of Kythnos featuring continuous back-to-back turns.Performance · The wedding feast 🇬🇧 Newquay, United KingdomTroyl A Cornish barn dance or social gathering featuring music, song, and communal dancing.Performance · Reception, dance and gifts

🇷🇺 Russia and 5 moreRadonitsaРа́доница (Russian), Прóводи (Ukrainian), Ра́даўніца (Belarusian) The Orthodox memorial day that lifts fasting restrictions and officially opens the wedding season.Feast custom · The weeks before 🇽🇰 Kosovo and 2 morePodruga A second wife brought into the home to bear children when the first marriage is childless.Family role · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇷 Crete, GreeceSoustaΣούστα A Greek courtship dance performed at weddings to display romance and agility.Performance · Procession and arrival

🇧🇬 Bulgaria and 3 moreMartenitsaмартеница White and red yarn charms worn in the Balkans to welcome spring and wish for good health.Adornment · The weeks before

🇩🇰 Denmark and 5 moreWidow conservationÄnkekonservering A Protestant custom where a new vicar married his predecessor's widow to secure her support.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United Kingdom and 5 moreScottish country dance A social group dance where couples trace progressive patterns to traditional Scottish musicPerformance · Reception, dance and gifts

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Balos: DNK GR, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Page boy: Joe Cheng, CC BY 2.0, source
Bedding ceremony: Isaac Cruikshank, Public domain, source
Globe de mariée: Alain Amet, CC BY 4.0, source
Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Hora: Chajeshukarie ( talk ), Public domain, source
Contubernium: Mark Landon, CC BY 4.0, source
Herem of Rabbeinu Gershom: Nixnubix, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Widow conservation: Keith Ruffles, CC BY 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Sousta: psyberartist, CC BY 2.0, source
Radonitsa: Perohanych, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
Banns of marriage: After William Hemsley, CC0, source
Bread and salt: Olli Niemitalo, CC0, source
Marriage stone: Kim Traynor, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Rushnyk: Pavlo Boyko, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Polterabend: 4028mdk09, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Care cloth: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Wimpel: Wikipedia Loves Art participant " The_Grotto ", CC BY-SA 2.5, source
Martenitsa: Unknown author, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Confarreatio: Agnete, CC BY 3.0, source
Engagement party: Melissa Gupta, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Proxy marriage: Alejandro Cicarelli, Public domain, source
Badchen: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Călușari: El bes, CC BY 3.0, source