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EveryShaadi

Family roles and who does what

Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.

A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.

Giving and receiving

Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.

Witnesses and supporters

Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.

What is changing

Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
StageFinding a matchEngagement and betrothalThe weeks beforeThe eveProcession and arrivalThe ceremonyThe wedding feastReception, dance and giftsAfter the wedding
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreMaithil Vivahमैथिल विवाह The arranged Hindu marriage of Maithils in the Mithila region, guided by Vedic texts and local customs.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaSambandam The traditional matrilineal marriage alliance of Kerala's Nairs and Nambudiris.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 Delhi, India and 1 moreBaraat The groom's wedding procession through the streets to the bride's home or venue.Performance · Procession and arrival 🇮🇳 IndiaGaye holudগায়ে হলুদ The turmeric ceremony that prepares the Bengali bride and groom for marriageRite · The weeks before 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreMayian A pre-wedding cleansing ritual in Punjabi culture where turmeric paste is applied to the couple.Blessing · The weeks before 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreChuraचूरा (Hindi) The red and white bangles that mark a bride's new status in Indian Hindu weddingsAttire · The weeks before 🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAnand Karajਅਨੰਦ ਕਾਰਜ The Sikh wedding rite where the couple circles the Guru Granth Sahib to four hymns of union.Rite · Procession and arrival 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaSehraसेहरा (Hindi) A floral or beaded veil tied to the groom's turban before he departs for the wedding ceremony.Attire · The weeks before 🇮🇳 India and 5 moreDowry A payment of wealth from the bride's family to the groom or his household at marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaKettu KalyanamTālikettukalyānam A mock marriage ritual in Kerala that marked a girl as ready for real unions by tying a sacred thread.Betrothal · The weeks before 🇳🇵 Bhaktapur, NepalIhiईही (Nepal Bhasa) A pre-puberty rite where Newar girls in Nepal are symbolically married to a deity or fruit.Betrothal · The weeks before 🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaGauna The ceremony that marks the start of conjugal life in northern Indian Hindu marriages.Rite · After the wedding 🇮🇳 IndiaBrahmanippattu A devotional song and dance performed by Nambeesan women to bless a marriage with the grace of the Goddess.Performance · The weeks before 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 Goa, IndiaHaldi Kumkum A gathering of married women in southern India who exchange turmeric and vermilion to celebrate their status.Blessing 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreInter-caste marriage Marriages between people from different castes in India and Nepal.Modern 🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu) The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 2 moreHindu weddingvivaha (विवाह) The traditional marriage ceremony for Hindus, centered on sacred fire and seven vows.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaSakharpuda The Maharashtrian engagement rite where sugar and coconuts seal a verbal promise between families.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAiburo Bhaatআইবুড়ো ভাত The final bachelor feast for the bride and groom before their Bengali weddingFeast custom · The weeks before 🇮🇳 Lucknow, IndiaBabulबाबुल The Hindi term for father that marks the emotional farewell of a bride leaving her home.Performance · The eve 🇧🇹 Bhutan and 5 moreSororate marriage A practice where a man marries his late or infertile wife's sister to keep family ties strong.Family role · After the wedding 🇮🇳 India and 5 moreWedding veil A cloth covering the head or face worn by brides and grooms to mark marriage.Attire · The ceremony 🇦🇫 Afghanistan and 1 moreBaad A customary settlement where a girl or woman is handed over to an offended household to close a dispute.Gift custom 🇳🇵 NepalSherpa marriage The astrological matching and barley beer offering that binds a Sherpa couple.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇳🇵 NepalInter-caste marriage in Nepalअन्तरजातीय विवाह Marriage across caste lines in a society where such unions were once illegal and remain socially contested.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 Kinnaur, IndiaPolyandry in India A practice where a woman has multiple husbands at the same time, found in specific Indian communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇫 Kabul, AfghanistanPolygamy in Afghanistan The practice of Afghan men taking multiple wives under Islamic and civil law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaPolygamy in Sri Lanka The historical and current legal status of multiple marriages under Kandyan and Muslim law.Vow 🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaKandyan marriage The traditional union rites of Sri Lanka's Buddhist Kandyan community, defined by residence and inheritance.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 Saurath, India and 2 moreSaurath Sabha The annual Maithil Brahmin gathering in Bihar for arranged marriages based on lineage records.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaLohepfhe A black shawl with red and green bands worn by Angami and Chakhesang Naga men at weddings.Attire · The ceremony 🇮🇳 India and 2 moreNose jewelNath A nose piercing ornament that signals marital status and social standing in South Asia and beyond.Adornment · The weeks before 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 5 moreCousin marriage A union between people who share a grandparent or recent ancestor, practiced in many regions and communities.Vow · Finding a match 🇮🇳 India and 5 morePolyandry A marriage structure where one woman is wed to multiple men simultaneously or in sequence.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 3 moreInter-caste marriage A union between people of different castes, often contested in South Asia.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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