Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇮🇷 Iran and 3 moreXwedodahxwidōdāh A Zoroastrian rite of close-kin marriage rooted in ancient cosmology and royal tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreLieberman clause A ketubah provision for rabbinic arbitration to prevent a woman from being unable to remarry.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇻 MaldivesPolygamy in the Maldives The legal practice allowing men to marry multiple wives under strict financial conditions.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 Kinnaur, IndiaPolyandry in India A practice where a woman has multiple husbands at the same time, found in specific Indian communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇰 Lahore, Pakistan and 1 morePolygamy in Pakistan The legal allowance for Muslim men to have up to four wives under Pakistani law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇿 Wellington, New ZealandCivil union in New Zealand A legal partnership for same-sex and opposite-sex couples established by statute in New Zealand.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Germany and 3 moreHerem of Rabbeinu GershomḤerem de-Rabbeinu Gershom Medieval ordinances that banned polygyny and forced divorce for Ashkenazi Jews.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreSame-sex marriage and Judaism How different branches of Judaism handle the union of two people of the same sex.Modern · The ceremony 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 2 morePolygamy in Saudi Arabia A legal marriage structure allowing a man to have up to four wives under Islamic law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇵 NepalInter-caste marriage in Nepalअन्तरजातीय विवाह Marriage across caste lines in a society where such unions were once illegal and remain socially contested.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇧🇴 Santa Cruz de la Sierra, BoliviaRecognition of same-sex unions in Bolivia The legal recognition of civil unions and marriages for same-sex couples in Bolivia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇿🇦 South AfricaPolygamy in South Africa The practice of men marrying more than one wife under customary and Islamic law in South Africa.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each marry a sister from the other family.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇺🇿 UzbekistanPolygamy in Uzbekistan The practice of men taking multiple wives in a country where the law strictly forbids it.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇧🇩 BangladeshPolygamy in Bangladesh The practice of men taking multiple wives, regulated by different laws for Muslims and Hindus.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in the District of Columbia The legal union of two people regardless of gender in Washington, D.C., established in 2010.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇰 Pakistan and 5 moreCousin marriage A union between people who share a grandparent or recent ancestor, practiced in many regions and communities.Vow · Finding a match

🇺🇸 Salt Lake City, United StatesLatter Day Saint polygamy in the late-19th century The practice of plural marriage among Latter-day Saints that drew intense government scrutiny and led to its abandonmentVow · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in tribal nations Legal recognition of same-sex unions within the sovereign jurisdictions of Native American tribes in the United States.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 3 moreInter-caste marriage A union between people of different castes, often contested in South Asia.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 Chicago, United StatesSame-sex marriage in Illinois The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the US state since June 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 morePrenuptial agreement A written contract signed before marriage to define property rights and financial outcomes.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇩🇪 GermanyKranzgeld The obsolete German legal compensation paid to a woman if her fiancé broke the engagement after sex.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Xwedodah: Dageoa, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Polyandry in India: Raja Ravi Varma, Public domain, source
Civil union in New Zealand: Helen Robinson, CC BY-SA 2.5, source
More danico: Edward Burne-Jones, Public domain, source
Mormon polygamy: Charles Weitfle, Public domain, source
Herem of Rabbeinu Gershom: Nixnubix, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage and Judaism: Ed and Eddie, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Inter-caste marriage in Nepal: Sajan Pundit, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Prenuptial agreement: Jan Josef Horemans the Younger, Public domain, source
Polygamy in South Africa: Unknown author, CC BY 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Illinois: nathanmac87, CC BY 2.0, source
Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia: Nate Hill, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Cousin marriage: 綾絲, CC BY-SA 4.0, source