Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇲🇱 MaliWeddings in Mali
Multi-day Malian wedding traditions blending Islamic rites, civil law, and local customs with bazin attire.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Bhuj, India and 1 moreBandhani
A traditional Indian tie-dye method that creates intricate dot patterns by binding small sections of cloth before dyeingAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄
A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal
The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇦 UkraineTraditional Ukrainian weddingТрадиційне українське весілля
A multi-day sequence of folk rites, bread baking and church vows that marks the transition from maidenhood to married liRite · Finding a match
🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo
The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇻🇳 VietnamTraditional Vietnamese weddingLễ cưới truyền thống Việt Nam
The multi-stage ceremony of betrothal, engagement and union that marks a marriage in Vietnam.Attire · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih)
The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 IndiaMeitei weddingLuhongba (ꯂꯨꯍꯣꯡꯕ)
The traditional union of the Meitei people, marked by clan exogamy and specific courtship rituals.Rite · Finding a match
🇺🇬 UgandaGomesi
The floor-length traditional dress worn by women in Buganda and Busoga for weddings and formal events.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ
A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreBridesmaid
A female attendant who supports the bride during a Western wedding ceremony.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaOdia Hindu weddingBahaghara (ଓଡ଼ିଆ ବାହାଘର)
The traditional Hindu marriage ceremony of the Odia people in Odisha, India.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu
The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreWhite wedding
A formal Western ceremony marked by a white bridal gown and traditional Christian rituals.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaSakharpuda
The Maharashtrian engagement rite where sugar and coconuts seal a verbal promise between families.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 IndonesiaMinangkabau marriage
A matrilineal wedding tradition from West Sumatra where the groom moves into the bride's family home.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה
The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis
The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony
🇺🇸 United States and 4 moreHope chest
A wooden chest where a bride collects linens and gifts before her wedding.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Quezon City, PhilippinesBinukot
A Visayan custom of secluding young noblewomen to preserve their purity and elevate their marriage value.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇰🇷 South KoreaChaesang채상 (Chaesang)
Woven bamboo boxes used to store dowry items in traditional Korean weddingsGift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 NetherlandsPoffer
The elaborate white headdress worn by married women in the Netherlands to mark their status.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreXiapei霞帔
The embroidered scarf or waistcoat that marks a woman's status in Chinese and Korean weddingsAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Pano Lefkara, CyprusLefkara laceLefkaritika
The intricate white cotton embroidery from Cyprus that forms a bride's essential dowry collection.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKelaghayiKəlağayı
A traditional silk headscarf exchanged as a marriage proposal and worn at henna parties in Azerbaijan and Armenia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Kelaghayi: Urmen19, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Lefkara lace: Cyprus Tourism CH, CC BY 2.0, source
- Minangkabau marriage: Mamasamala, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Ketubah: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Xiapei: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
- Poffer: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Chinese pre-wedding customs: Anonymous ( China ) Unknown author, CC0, source
- Weddings in Mali: HawaG, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Gomesi: sarahemcc, CC BY 2.0, source
- Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
- Binukot: Francisco Ignacio Alcina, Public domain, source
- Odia Hindu wedding: Aditya Mahar, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Bandhani: RubyGoes, CC BY 2.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Bridesmaid: Photographer not credited; relative or work for hire of relative., CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Meitei wedding: Dabu Leichombam, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Traditional Vietnamese wedding: Gabrielle M. Vassal, Public domain, source
- Traditional Ukrainian wedding: Пимоненко, Николай Корнильевич, Public domain, source
- Hope chest: Poul Friis Nybo, Public domain, source