Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇰🇿 Kazakhstan and 1 moreKazakh wedding ceremonyҮйлену тойы (Üilenu toiy)
The multi-stage Kazakh marriage process featuring the face-revealing feast and the Islamic religious contract.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന
A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar
A blend of Buddhist rites, astrological timing, and family negotiations that defines union across Myanmar's diverse ethnRite · Finding a match
🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni
A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding
The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach
A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditionsРусская свадьба
A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox crowning, ransom games, and lively toasting in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaOdia Hindu weddingBahaghara (ଓଡ଼ିଆ ବାହାଘର)
The traditional Hindu marriage ceremony of the Odia people in Odisha, India.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo
The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos
The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAiburo Bhaatআইবুড়ো ভাত
The final bachelor feast for the bride and groom before their Bengali weddingFeast custom · The weeks before
🇮🇳 IndiaZoroastrian wedding
A Zoroastrian marriage ceremony featuring hand-fastening, rice sprinkling, and shared meals.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaStag and doe
A Canadian fundraiser where guests pay to help the couple cover wedding costs.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreHausa traditional marriage
The Islamic marriage rites of the Hausa people in Northern Nigeria and Niger.Rite · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreWhite wedding
A formal Western ceremony marked by a white bridal gown and traditional Christian rituals.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇦 UkraineTraditional Ukrainian weddingТрадиційне українське весілля
A multi-day sequence of folk rites, bread baking and church vows that marks the transition from maidenhood to married liRite · Finding a match
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party
A gathering to announce a new engagement and introduce the two families before the wedding.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇳 BruneiBrunei Malay wedding
The sequence of ceremonies that mark the engagement and marriage of Brunei Malays.Rite · Finding a match
🇻🇳 VietnamTraditional Vietnamese weddingLễ cưới truyền thống Việt Nam
The multi-stage ceremony of betrothal, engagement and union that marks a marriage in Vietnam.Attire · Finding a match
🇵🇱 Poland and 6 moreKolachколач (kolach), калач (kalach), kołacz, colac, kalács
A braided or ring-shaped bread that marks weddings and major holidays across Eastern Europe.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreBridal shower
A pre-wedding gift-giving party hosted for the bride by her friends and family.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇬 Egypt and 5 moreArab weddingزفاف or فرح or عرس
A series of family-centered rites and processions that mark marriage across the Arab world.Rite · Finding a match
🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding
A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaHindi wedding songs
Film and folk music that accompanies the stages of a North Indian Hindu wedding.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 4 moreChinese wedding door games堵门游戏 (dǔmén yóuxì)
Challenges set by bridesmaids for the groom at the bride's home to prove his devotion.Play · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaTelugu Hindu weddingతెలుగు వివాహ వేడుక
A multi-day Telugu Hindu marriage marked by seven vows around fire and family rituals.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇶 Mosul, IraqWedding traditions in Iraq
The arranged courtship, religious rites and multi-day celebrations that mark marriage in Iraqi society.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇷 Tehran, Iran and 1 moreIranian weddingمراسم عروسی در ایران
A multi-stage ceremony rooted in Zoroastrianism and Islam that binds families through courtship, feasts, and sacred vowsRite · Finding a match
🇸🇿 EswatiniUmtsimbauntsimba
A multi-day Swazi wedding procession where the bride joins her husband's family through ritualised stages.Rite · Finding a match
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Iranian wedding: Flickr.com user "avlxyz", CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Umtsimba: Cat7624, CC0, source
- Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Odia Hindu wedding: Aditya Mahar, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Aiburo Bhaat: Ranganm2021, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
- Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Imilchil Marriage Festival: Zakaria ElQotbi, CC BY 2.0, source
- Kazakh wedding ceremony: jerome taylor, CC BY 2.0, source
- Oppana: Shagil Kannur, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Jewish wedding: Jozef Israëls, Public domain, source
- Hausa traditional marriage: Bembety, CC0, source
- Traditional Ukrainian wedding: Пимоненко, Николай Корнильевич, Public domain, source
- Engagement party: Melissa Gupta, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Traditional Vietnamese wedding: Gabrielle M. Vassal, Public domain, source
- Kolach: Лобачев Владимир, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Bridal shower: The McClouds, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Arab wedding: 13th century artist, Public domain, source
- Oaxacan wedding: Adam Jones, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Chinese wedding door games: elfgoh, CC BY-SA 2.0, source