Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring
A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന
A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇰 Sri LankaBeena marriage
A pre-Islamic Arabian custom where the husband moves to the wife's home and she keeps her own tent.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄
A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanMizuhiki水引
The knotted paper cord that adorns Japanese wedding gifts and envelopesAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaShankha
White conch shell bangles worn by Bengali Hindu married women as a symbol of their husband's well-being.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇿 Kazakhstan and 1 moreKazakh wedding ceremonyҮйлену тойы (Üilenu toiy)
The multi-stage Kazakh marriage process featuring the face-revealing feast and the Islamic religious contract.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina
Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼)
A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match
🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar
A blend of Buddhist rites, astrological timing, and family negotiations that defines union across Myanmar's diverse ethnRite · Finding a match
🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni
A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah)
The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match
🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia
A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match
🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads
Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price
Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal
The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreSvayamvaraस्वयंवर (svayaṃvara)
A ceremony where a bride selects her husband from assembled suitors or through a public contest.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding
The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 2 moreAla kachuuала качуу
A Kyrgyz custom of taking a woman for marriage, ranging from consensual elopement to forced abduction.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic)
A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין
The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 2 moreCladdagh ringFáinne an Chladaigh
A traditional Irish ring featuring clasped hands, a heart, and a crown to symbolise friendship, love, and loyalty.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi
The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match
🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage
A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding
A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 Canada and 1 moreMarriage à la façon du paysMariage à la façon du pays
The common-law unions between European fur traders and Indigenous women that shaped North American history.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding
Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod
A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan
A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu
The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman
A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ
A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana
The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market
Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan
The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn)
The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn)
A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match
🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai)
A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch
A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage
A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina
A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding
A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 IndonesiaMinangkabau marriage
A matrilineal wedding tradition from West Sumatra where the groom moves into the bride's family home.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇷 Iran and 5 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة
A private contract for a fixed-term marriage practiced in Twelver Shia Islam.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 4 moreChinese wedding door games堵门游戏 (dǔmén yóuxì)
Challenges set by bridesmaids for the groom at the bride's home to prove his devotion.Play · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos
The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaBride buying in India
The forced purchase of women from impoverished regions for arranged marriages in Northern India.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Chinese wedding door games: elfgoh, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Jewish wedding: Jozef Israëls, Public domain, source
- Svayamvara: Nandalal Bose, Public domain, source
- Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Claddagh ring: Royalcladdagh, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Taiwan: Guy of taipei, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Bride buying in India: Jorge Royan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Imilchil Marriage Festival: Zakaria ElQotbi, CC BY 2.0, source
- Shankha: Salil Kumar Mukherjee, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Oaxacan wedding: Adam Jones, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Minangkabau marriage: Mamasamala, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
- Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
- Badchen: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
- Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Assyrian wedding: Yucalyptus, CC0, source
- Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Mizuhiki: User:FA2010, Public domain, source
- Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
- Oppana: Shagil Kannur, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Kazakh wedding ceremony: jerome taylor, CC BY 2.0, source
- Ala kachuu: Illus. in: Turkestanskii al'bom, chast' étnograficheskaia: ..., 1871-1, Public domain, source