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EveryShaadi

Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
KindRiteVowBetrothalGift customAttireAdornmentPerformanceFeast customBlessingPlayFamily roleSettingModern
🇫🇯 FijiTabua A polished sperm whale tooth exchanged as a gift in Fijian weddings and ceremonies.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح) The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match 🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇳 China and 5 moreBride buying The exchange of money or goods for a woman to become a wife.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaBride buying in India The forced purchase of women from impoverished regions for arranged marriages in Northern India.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu) The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇪 Peru and 4 moreBride service Labor provided by the groom to the bride's family as part of the marriage arrangement.Gift custom · Finding a match 🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih) The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match 🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match 🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 India and 5 moreDowry A payment of wealth from the bride's family to the groom or his household at marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇹🇱 Dili, Timor-Leste and 1 moreTimorese wedding traditionsBarlake The gift exchange and family alliance rituals practiced on the island of Timor.Gift custom · Finding a match 🇰🇪 KenyaKoito A Kalenjin dowry negotiation ritual that marks the formal agreement between families.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaArabikalyanam A temporary marriage arrangement between Arabian men and women in Kerala that has been linked to exploitation.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇦 Canada and 1 moreMarriage à la façon du paysMariage à la façon du pays The common-law unions between European fur traders and Indigenous women that shaped North American history.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇪🇬 Egypt and 2 moreMisyar marriageزواج المسيار (zawāj al-misyār) A Sunni Islamic contract where the wife waives cohabitation and financial support in exchange for a legal union.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 1 moreVaniونى (Urdu) A forced child marriage used as compensation to settle tribal disputes in Pakistan.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇺 AustraliaWishing well A decorated box where guests leave cash or small gifts for couples who already have a home.Gift custom · Reception, dance and gifts

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The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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