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EveryShaadi

Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

RegionSouth AsiaSoutheast AsiaEast AsiaCentral Asia and the CaucasusMiddle EastNorth AfricaSub-Saharan AfricaEuropeNorth AmericaLatin America and the CaribbeanOceania
KindRiteVowBetrothalGift customAttireAdornmentPerformanceFeast customBlessingPlayFamily roleSettingModern
🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇱 MaliWeddings in Mali Multi-day Malian wedding traditions blending Islamic rites, civil law, and local customs with bazin attire.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKyz kuu A horse race where a man chases a woman to win a kiss or faces her whip if he failsPlay · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match 🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaHindi wedding songs Film and folk music that accompanies the stages of a North Indian Hindu wedding.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇿 AzerbaijanAzerbaijani wedding traditionsAzərbaycanın toy adətləri The multi-step family rituals of Azerbaijani weddings, from matchmaking to the henna night.Rite · Finding a match 🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn) The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇩🇪 GermanyWedding Quodlibet A lighthearted musical piece by J.S. Bach performed at weddings in early 18th-century Germany.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇩🇪 GermanyLandshut WeddingLandshuter Hochzeit A four-year historical pageant in Bavaria re-enacting the 1475 royal marriage of George and Hedwig.Setting · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesCourtship in the Philippines A traditional Filipino courtship marked by serenade, service, and family involvement.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇺🇬 UgandaOkeme A lively Lango folk dance performed at weddings to bring the community together.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇳 ChinaHebao荷包 (Hébāo) A traditional Chinese embroidered pouch used for gifts, medicine, and romantic tokens.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇬 UgandaLarakaraka An Acholi courtship dance where young men display agility to attract a partner.Play · Engagement and betrothal 🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער The instrumental dance music played by Ashkenazi Jewish musicians at weddings in Eastern Europe and beyondPerformance · Engagement and betrothal 🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער The instrumental wedding music of Ashkenazi Jews, blending Eastern European and Jewish ritual melodies.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇩 Indonesia and 4 morePantunڤنتون A Malayic oral poetry form used in wedding greetings and daily communication to express ideas through rhyme.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesHarana A traditional Filipino courtship serenade where a suitor sings beneath a woman's window at night.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇺🇬 UgandaNaleyo A courtship dance of the Karamojong people where men and women jump facing each other to find partners.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇺 Mauritius and 1 moreGeet-Gawai𑂏𑂲𑂞 𑂏𑂫𑂰𑂆 (Bhojpuri) A pre-wedding ritual of Bhojpuri-speaking people in Mauritius featuring songs and dance.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇬 UgandaGaze A traditional dance of the Lugbara people in Northern Uganda performed at weddings and festivalsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

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