A wedding joins two families as much as two people, and its customs spell out who does what: who asks, who gives the bride away, who stands as witness, who sits where and who is welcomed into whose house.
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A wedding joins two families as much as two people, and its customs spell out who does what: who asks, who gives the bride away, who stands as witness, who sits where and who is welcomed into whose house. This page looks at the roles of parents, witnesses, best men and bridesmaids, godparents and in-laws across the world, and at how they are changing.
In the Western church wedding, the father walks the bride down the aisle and is asked who gives this woman, a relic of the time when a daughter passed from one man's authority to another. Many couples now walk together, or have both parents or a mother walk the bride. In Hindu weddings the kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is made by the bride's parents, and in Jewish weddings both parents walk each partner to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings the bride's guardian, the wali, is traditionally present at the nikah, and in China the parents are served tea by the couple as a sign of respect.
Every legal wedding needs witnesses, and many cultures give the role to a trusted friend or relative. The Western best man, with his groomsmen, descends from the friends who helped a groom in the days of capture, and the bridesmaids from the women who dressed in the same clothes as the bride to confuse evil spirits. The koumbaro in Greece, the padrinos in Spain and Latin America, and the kum in the Balkans act as sponsors who hold the crowns, rings or cords, and become lifelong godparents to the couple and their children.
In much of South Asia, East Asia and Africa the bride moves to the groom's family home, so the mother-in-law and sisters-in-law are central, and rituals such as the welcome with a lamp or a bowl of rice mark the arrival. Where the groom's side pays, as in parts of Europe, or the bride's side pays, as in India, who pays can shape the relationship. Tensions over the guest list, the seating and the customs are common, and families often solve them with clear talk and compromise.
Couples increasingly plan, and pay for, their own weddings, and give parents and friends of any gender a role. Fathers and mothers walk together, the best man may be a woman, and bridesmaids may include men. Blended and single-parent families adapt the roles to fit, and same-sex couples have created new ways of dividing them. The old forms still matter to many families, and the best weddings often include a nod to them.
In a Hindu wedding the bride's parents perform kanyadaan, placing her hand in the groom's, and the groom's mother welcomes the couple at the door with a lamp and rice. The groom's brother and the bride's brother have small ritual duties, such as the bride's brother pouring puffed rice into her hands.
Read: KanyadanaAt the nikah the bride is asked for her consent through her wali and two witnesses. The rukhsati, her ceremonial departure from her parents' home, is an emotional moment with prayers, and the groom's family receives her.
Rukhsati, being writtenNinongs and ninangs, sponsors who are often wealthy or respected friends of the parents, act as witnesses and give the couple gifts. The principal sponsors sign the register and hold the veil and cord used in the ceremony.
Marriage and wedding customs in the Philippines, being writtenThe couple serve tea to the parents and elders, who give red envelopes and jewellery in return. The ceremony shows respect for the family and the welcome of the bride into her husband's household.
Chinese tea ceremony, being writtenAt a Shinto wedding the go-betweens, the nakodo, once arranged and introduced the match, and the families toast each other with sake in the sansan-kudo. The family of each side sit facing each other at the ceremony.
Nakōdo, being writtenThe tamada, a toastmaster, runs the feast, and the groom's family brings a gift of wine to the bride's, with the best man, called the mkhlis, close to the groom. The wedding is held in a church with a godparent often serving as the sponsor.
Read: TamadaAlso part of it, and being written: Best man (The groom's chief supporter.), Koumbaros (The Greek sponsor and best man.), Padrino (The Hispanic wedding sponsor.), Giving away the bride (The father at the altar.), Marriage and wedding customs in the Philippines (The Filipino sponsors.), Chinese tea ceremony (Serving tea to elders.).
In many Western weddings it is the father, but it can be both parents, a mother, a friend or nobody. The custom is optional, and civil celebrants are used to many arrangements.
He supports the groom, looks after the rings, organises the bachelor party and gives a speech. In some places the role is called the groomsman of honour or the koumbaro.
In Greece, Spain, Latin America and the Balkans, the couple choose sponsors, called koumbaros, padrinos or kum, who take a ceremonial part and a lifelong role as friends of the marriage.
In much of South Asia, East Asia and Africa traditionally yes, though many couples now live on their own. In some societies, such as the Minangkabau of Indonesia, the groom joins the bride's family.
Most countries require at least one or two witnesses at a civil or religious wedding, with rules that vary. Check the registrar in your country.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
The traditions written up so far, best known first.
🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik
A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇪 KenyaRecognition of same-sex unions in Kenya
The legal ban on gay marriage alongside traditional female-to-female unions that persist in some communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 Germany and 2 moreGet of Cleves
A disputed 1766 Jewish divorce document that sparked international rabbinic debate over mental competence.Vow · After the wedding
🇱🇮 Vaduz, LiechtensteinSame-sex marriage in Liechtenstein
The civil union that grants equal marital rights to all couples in the Alpine principality.Modern · The ceremony
🇳🇬 Kano, NigeriaPolygamy in Nigeria
A marital practice where men take multiple wives, legally recognized in twelve northern states under Sharia law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇭 Phnom Penh, CambodiaSame-sex marriage in Cambodia
The legal status and local registry for same-sex couples in Cambodia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 Uganda and 3 morePolygamy in Uganda
The legal practice of a man having multiple wives simultaneously in Uganda and neighboring nations.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇷 SurinameRecognition of same-sex unions in Suriname
The legal status of same-sex marriage and civil partnerships in Suriname.Modern
🇨🇴 Bogotá, ColombiaSame-sex marriage in Colombia
The legal recognition of same-sex unions established by the Constitutional Court in 2016.Modern · The ceremony
🇿🇲 ZambiaPolygamy in Zambia
A legal form of marriage allowing one man to have multiple wives under customary law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 IsraelHalizahחליצה (ḥălīṣā)
The Jewish rite that frees a childless widow from the duty to marry her deceased husband's brother.Rite · After the wedding
🇩🇪 Germany and 3 moreHerem of Rabbeinu GershomḤerem de-Rabbeinu Gershom
Medieval ordinances that banned polygyny and forced divorce for Ashkenazi Jews.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 2 morePolygamy in Saudi Arabia
A legal marriage structure allowing a man to have up to four wives under Islamic law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 Canada and 1 moreMarriage commissioner
A civil official appointed to solemnize weddings outside of religious or standard court settings.Vow · The ceremony
🇮🇪 Dublin, IrelandSchulze Registers
The surviving records of secret marriages performed by a Lutheran minister in 19th century Dublin.Vow · The ceremony
🇺🇸 United States and 1 morePostnuptial agreement
A contract signed after marriage to plan for divorce or death.Vow · After the wedding
🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile
Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreHeter meah rabbanimהיתר מאה רבנים
A rare exemption allowing a man to remarry when his wife refuses a Jewish divorce.Vow · After the wedding
🇺🇿 UzbekistanPolygamy in Uzbekistan
The practice of men taking multiple wives in a country where the law strictly forbids it.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange
A marriage arrangement where two brothers each marry a sister from the other family.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇦🇺 Australia and 5 moreCelebrancy
A profession of secular officiants who create personalised life ceremonies for people outside traditional religious or sModern · The weeks before
🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaKandyan marriage
The traditional union rites of Sri Lanka's Buddhist Kandyan community, defined by residence and inheritance.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇩 BangladeshPolygamy in Bangladesh
The practice of men taking multiple wives, regulated by different laws for Muslims and Hindus.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreCommon-law marriage
A union recognized by law because a couple lives together as spouses, without a formal ceremony or license.Vow · After the wedding
🇺🇸 Salt Lake City, United StatesLatter Day Saint polygamy in the late-19th century
The practice of plural marriage among Latter-day Saints that drew intense government scrutiny and led to its abandonmentVow · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 morePrenuptial agreement
A written contract signed before marriage to define property rights and financial outcomes.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 5 moreCousin marriage
A union between people who share a grandparent or recent ancestor, practiced in many regions and communities.Vow · Finding a match
🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in tribal nations
Legal recognition of same-sex unions within the sovereign jurisdictions of Native American tribes in the United States.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇾🇪 Yemen and 1 moreUrfi marriageزواج عرفي
A customary union upheld by community tradition instead of state registration.Modern · The ceremony
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
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