Finding a match
Matchmakers, horoscopes, family introductions, courtship festivals and the first meeting.
Every wedding begins with two people finding each other, and the world has many ways to do it. A matchmaker, a horoscope, a festival, a school, an app or a family introduction can each be the first step. This stage covers what happens from the first thought of marriage to the first serious meeting.
Matchmakers and families
The Jewish shadchan, the Japanese nakodo, the Chinese matchmaker or meipo, the Indian family elder and the Korean middleman all work on the same idea: a trusted person who knows both sides suggests a match. In India families trade biodata and compare horoscopes, and in Japan the omiai was a formal first meeting, usually in a hotel tea room. In Iran the khastegari follows once the families agree.
Festivals and open courtship
Some places have a day or a gathering where young people meet. The Gerewol of the Wodaabe in Niger, the Imilchil Moussem in Morocco, the Lisdoonvarna Matchmaking Festival in Ireland, the Sapa love market in Vietnam, and Tu B'Av in Jewish tradition all bring unmarried people together in a public, festive setting. In China, parents gather in parks such as Shanghai's People's Park with notes about their children.
Choice and consent
Arranged does not mean forced. Many arranged marriages involve both partners' agreement, and many couples who meet on their own still seek parental blessing. Forced marriage is a violation of rights and illegal in most countries. Dating apps built for specific communities, from Muzz to Shaadi, show how technology is folding into older customs.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Finding a match (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼)
A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match
🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah)
The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreMaithil Vivahमैथिल विवाह
The arranged Hindu marriage of Maithils in the Mithila region, guided by Vedic texts and local customs.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 IndiaSambandam
The traditional matrilineal marriage alliance of Kerala's Nairs and Nambudiris.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇸🇬 Singapore and 3 moreMatchmaking
The practice of pairing two people for marriage through an intermediary or system.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai)
A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market
Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman
A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreGhost marriage冥婚 (mínghūn)
A union arranged for deceased individuals to ensure harmony in the afterlife and care in this one.Rite · Finding a match
🇭🇺 HungaryVőfély
The Hungarian wedding host who guides the couple through rites, speeches, and traditions.Family role · Finding a match
🇲🇷 Mauritania and 5 moreLeblouhالبلوح
The forced fattening of girls to improve their marriage prospects, a harmful practiceBetrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار
A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent
The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange
A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇹🇱 Dili, Timor-Leste and 1 moreTimorese wedding traditionsBarlake
The gift exchange and family alliance rituals practiced on the island of Timor.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn)
A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match
🇨🇳 Shanghai, ChinaShanghai Marriage Market人民公园相亲角 (Rénmín Gōngyuán Xiāngqīn Jiǎo)
Parents pin written profiles of their unmarried children to strings in a Shanghai parkBetrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan
The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi
The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match
🇳🇵 NepalSherpa marriage
The astrological matching and barley beer offering that binds a Sherpa couple.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process
Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match
🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesCourtship in the Philippines
A traditional Filipino courtship marked by serenade, service, and family involvement.Betrothal · Finding a match
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Courtship in the Philippines: Markytour777, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent: Hindustanilanguage, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
- Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
- Sherpa marriage: Dirk Pons, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Maithil Vivah: Sntshkumar750, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Shanghai Marriage Market: Jpbowen, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Matchmaking: Pavel Fedotov, Public domain, source
- Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Timorese wedding traditions: ColinTrainor, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source