Family roles and who does what

Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.

A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.

Giving and receiving

Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.

Witnesses and supporters

Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.

What is changing

Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇩 Lombok, IndonesiaMerariq A Sasak ritual in Lombok where the groom takes the bride to his home with family consent.Rite · The weeks before

🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai) A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇫🇷 Paris, FranceGlobe de mariée A glass bell jar used in France to hold the bride's bouquet and preserve family memories.Adornment · The weeks before 🇨🇳 ChinaNaked marriage裸婚 (luǒhūn) A wedding without a house, car, or ring, chosen by couples in China for love and financial necessity.Modern · The weeks before

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreCare cloth A linen or silk cloth held over the heads of a bride and groom during a Christian wedding blessing.Attire · The ceremony

🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 IndiaSehraसेहरा (Hindi) A floral or beaded veil tied to the groom's turban before he departs for the wedding ceremony.Attire · The weeks before

🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United KingdomPage boy A young male member of the bridal party who manages the bride's train or carries the wedding rings.Family role · The ceremony

🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu) The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreInter-caste marriage Marriages between people from different castes in India and Nepal.Modern 🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreBedding ceremony The public ritual of placing the newlyweds in their marital bed to witness and seal the marriage.Rite · The ceremony 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreChuraचूरा (Hindi) The red and white bangles that mark a bride's new status in Indian Hindu weddingsAttire · The weeks before

🇨🇳 Shanghai, ChinaShanghai Marriage Market人民公园相亲角 (Rénmín Gōngyuán Xiāngqīn Jiǎo) Parents pin written profiles of their unmarried children to strings in a Shanghai parkBetrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaSakharpuda The Maharashtrian engagement rite where sugar and coconuts seal a verbal promise between families.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 2 moreJewish prenuptial agreement A contract signed before the wedding to ensure a Jewish divorce can happen if one spouse refuses.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanSame-sex marriage in Japan同性結婚 (dōsei kekkon) The legal battle and local partnership systems for same-sex couples in JapanModern

🇷🇺 Russia and 5 moreBread and salt A traditional welcome offering of bread and salt to guests or newlyweds in Slavic, Baltic, and Balkan cultures.Feast custom · The weeks before 🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreQuaker wedding A silent ceremony where Friends witness each other's vows without clergy or rigid rituals.Rite · The weeks before

🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz') The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaGauna The ceremony that marks the start of conjugal life in northern Indian Hindu marriages.Rite · After the wedding

🇹🇴 Tonga and 2 moreTaʻovala The woven pandanus mat worn around the waist for formal occasions and weddings in Tonga.Attire · The weeks before

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇫🇷 France and 5 moreProxy marriage A union where one or both partners are absent and represented by another person.Vow · The ceremony 🇹🇴 TongaLakalaka A formal Tongan group dance where performers stand in rows and move their arms to express respect.Performance · The ceremony

🇳🇬 NigeriaLefe The presentation of gifts from the groom to the bride in Hausa weddings.Gift custom · The weeks before

🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match

🇨🇳 China and 3 moreMarriage coin charm夫妇和合花钱 (fū fù hé hé huā qián) Numismatic amulets from East Asia that carry wedding blessings and fertility symbols.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party A gathering to announce a new engagement and introduce the two families before the wedding.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇹 ItalyConfarreatio The ancient Roman patrician marriage rite marked by sharing a sacred emmer cake.Rite · The ceremony

🇺🇸 United States and 3 moreJumping the broom A wedding ritual where a couple leaps over a broom to mark their unionRite · The ceremony

🇨🇳 China and 6 moreRed envelope红包 (hóngbāo) A gift of money in a red paper sleeve exchanged at weddings and holidays to bring good luck.Gift custom · The wedding feast

🇮🇳 India and 2 moreHindu weddingvivaha (विवाह) The traditional marriage ceremony for Hindus, centered on sacred fire and seven vows.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 New York, United States and 5 moreInterracial marriage A union between spouses of different races or racialized ethnicities, now legal in most nations.Modern 🇮🇳 Lucknow, IndiaBabulबाबुल The Hindi term for father that marks the emotional farewell of a bride leaving her home.Performance · The eve

🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 Las Vegas, United States and 5 moreBachelor party A final celebration for the groom before his wedding, with names and customs varying by region.Feast custom · The weeks before

🇷🇴 Romania and 7 moreHorahora (Romanian), horo (Bulgarian), oro (Macedonian), horah (Hebrew) A circle dance held at weddings across Southeast Europe and among Jewish communities worldwide.Performance · Reception, dance and gifts

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAnand Karajਅਨੰਦ ਕਾਰਜ The Sikh wedding rite where the couple circles the Guru Granth Sahib to four hymns of union.Rite · Procession and arrival

🇮🇳 India and 5 moreDowry A payment of wealth from the bride's family to the groom or his household at marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent: Hindustanilanguage, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Globe de mariée: Alain Amet, CC BY 4.0, source
Care cloth: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Korovai: Olli Niemitalo, CC0, source
Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
Sehra: SynthContibutor, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Ketubah: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Page boy: Joe Cheng, CC BY 2.0, source
Dowry system in India: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
Bedding ceremony: Isaac Cruikshank, Public domain, source
Laavaan: Ashish 100, CC BY 2.0, source
Shanghai Marriage Market: Jpbowen, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Japan: User:Jedi Friend, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Interfaith marriage in Judaism: Rembrandt, Public domain, source
Taʻovala: James Foster, CC BY-SA 2.5, source
Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Proxy marriage: Alejandro Cicarelli, Public domain, source
Lefe: Useendk, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Marriage coin charm: Scott Semans, CC BY 3.0, source
Engagement party: Melissa Gupta, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Confarreatio: Agnete, CC BY 3.0, source
Jumping the broom: credited only as "Hipstamatic shots, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Red envelope: Oldie~commonswiki, Public domain, source
Hindu wedding: Dinesh Cyanam, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Interracial marriage: Xavier Lejeune, CC BY 4.0, source
Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Bachelor party: Derek Springer, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Hora: Chajeshukarie ( talk ), Public domain, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Dowry: Vassili Vladimirovich Pukiryov, Public domain, source