Family roles and who does what

Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.

A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.

Giving and receiving

Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.

Witnesses and supporters

Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.

What is changing

Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇮🇳 IndiaSambandam The traditional matrilineal marriage alliance of Kerala's Nairs and Nambudiris.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇬🇧 United KingdomGift registry A public wish list managed by retailers to coordinate wedding gifts and prevent duplicates.Feast custom · The weeks before

🇳🇬 Iseyin, Nigeria and 2 moreAso okeAṣọ òkè Hand-woven cloth worn by the Yoruba for weddings and formal gatheringsAttire · The ceremony

🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼) A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match

🇮🇩 Indonesia and 2 moreKenduri A communal feast and prayer gathering held by Javanese and Malay communities to mark life events.Feast custom · The weeks before

🇩🇪 Hamburg, Germany and 3 moreWimpelווימפל A linen sash made from a baby boy's circumcision cloth that binds the Torah scroll.Adornment · The weeks before 🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah) The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match

🇸🇿 Ludzidzini Royal Village, Eswatini and 1 moreUmhlanga The annual Swazi and Zulu gathering where young women cut reeds to preserve chastity and offer tribute labour.Rite · The eve

🇹🇷 Kayseri, Turkey and 4 moreHalay A traditional line and circle dance performed across Turkey and surrounding regions at weddings.Performance · The ceremony

🇺🇦 Ukraine and 2 moreRushnykрушник (Ukrainian), ручнік (Belarusian), ручник/рушник (Russian) The embroidered linen cloth that marks life stages and guides the couple through the wedding ceremony in East Slavic culAdornment · The weeks before

🇼🇸 Samoa and 3 moreʻIe tōga Prestige woven mats exchanged at Samoan weddings to honor family ties and chiefly status.Attire · The ceremony

🇰🇷 South Korea and 5 moreBlessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchHoly Marriage Blessing Ceremony (축복결혼식) A large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇿🇦 South AfricaUmemulo The Zulu coming of age ceremony that marks a woman as ready for marriageRite · The weeks before

🇺🇸 New York, United StatesSlave marriages in the United States The unions formed by enslaved African Americans before and after the abolition of slavery in the US.Rite · The ceremony 🇬🇷 Crete, GreecePentozaliΠεντοζάλης The vigorous Cretan war dance of high jumps and improvisation that marks the wedding procession.Performance · Procession and arrival

🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 India and 1 moreMaithil Vivahमैथिल विवाह The arranged Hindu marriage of Maithils in the Mithila region, guided by Vedic texts and local customs.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇲🇽 Mexico and 1 moreLa víbora de la mar A wedding game where the couple stands on chairs while guests form a snake to test their unity.Play · Reception, dance and gifts

🇲🇽 Oaxaca, Mexico and 1 moreHuipilhuīpīlli The traditional tunic worn by indigenous women in Mexico and Central America for weddings and daily life.Attire · The weeks before

🇲🇾 Malaysia and 4 moreBaju Kurungباجو كوروڠ The traditional blouse and skirt worn by Malay women for weddings and religious ceremoniesAttire · The weeks before

🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 3 moreBlessing ceremony The large-scale marriage rite of the Unification Church where couples are matched and blessed by their leaders.Rite · The ceremony

🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح) The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇩 IndonesiaUlosᯥᯞᯘᯬ᯲ The hand-woven textile that binds Batak couples in marriage and symbolizes warmth.Attire · The ceremony

🇳🇬 Lagos, Nigeria and 3 moreAso ebiAsọ-Ẹbí Matching outfits worn by groups to show solidarity at Yoruba weddings and other ceremoniesAttire · The weeks before

🇸🇬 Singapore and 3 moreMatchmaking The practice of pairing two people for marriage through an intermediary or system.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 2 moreAla kachuuала качуу A Kyrgyz custom of taking a woman for marriage, ranging from consensual elopement to forced abduction.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 Delhi, India and 1 moreBaraat The groom's wedding procession through the streets to the bride's home or venue.Performance · Procession and arrival

🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic) A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaGaye holudগায়ে হলুদ The turmeric ceremony that prepares the Bengali bride and groom for marriageRite · The weeks before

🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreBedding ceremony The public ritual of placing the newlyweds in their marital bed to witness and seal the marriage.Rite · The ceremony

🇫🇮 Finland and 5 moreBanns of marriagekuulutukset avioliittoon (Finnish) The public announcement of an impending marriage in church or town hall to allow for legal objections.Vow · The weeks before

🇮🇳 Mumbai, India and 3 moreDowry system in Indiaदहेज (Hindi), ज़ेहर (Urdu) The transfer of cash and goods from the bride's family to the groom that has become a source of financial strain and vioGift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United KingdomPage boy A young male member of the bridal party who manages the bride's train or carries the wedding rings.Family role · The ceremony 🇨🇦 Canada and 1 moreMarriage à la façon du paysMariage à la façon du pays The common-law unions between European fur traders and Indigenous women that shaped North American history.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreYibbumייבום A Jewish rite where a brother marries his childless deceased brother's widow to continue the family line.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇰🇪 KenyaKoito A Kalenjin dowry negotiation ritual that marks the formal agreement between families.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇹🇴 Tonga and 2 moreTaʻovala The woven pandanus mat worn around the waist for formal occasions and weddings in Tonga.Attire · The weeks before

🇫🇷 France and 5 moreProxy marriage A union where one or both partners are absent and represented by another person.Vow · The ceremony

🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanSame-sex marriage in Japan同性結婚 (dōsei kekkon) The legal battle and local partnership systems for same-sex couples in JapanModern 🇫🇷 FrancePosthumous marriage in Francemariage posthume A legal union with a deceased partner, authorized by the French President for serious reasons.Vow · The ceremony 🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Germany and 5 morePolterabend The evening before the wedding when guests break porcelain to bring luck and test the couple's teamwork.Blessing · The eve

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Blessing ceremony of the Unification Church: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
Aso ebi: SUPREME LACE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Dowry system in India: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Rushnyk: Pavlo Boyko, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Polterabend: 4028mdk09, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Ketubah: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Page boy: Joe Cheng, CC BY 2.0, source
Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Banns of marriage: After William Hemsley, CC0, source
Bedding ceremony: Isaac Cruikshank, Public domain, source
Wimpel: Wikipedia Loves Art participant " The_Grotto ", CC BY-SA 2.5, source
Slave marriages in the United States: An 1899 illustration of a broomstick wedding. Schomburg Center for Res, Public domain, source
Umhlanga: Amada44, Public domain, source
Kenduri: Andreasprasetya, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Yibbum: School of Rembrandt, Public domain, source
Aso oke: Wolf D., Public domain, source
Nikah: عامر شاہین, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Huipil: Gift in memory of Elizabeth Ege Freudenheim, No restrictions, source
Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
Baraat: https://www.flickr.com/photos/pnglife/, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Japan: User:Jedi Friend, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Taʻovala: James Foster, CC BY-SA 2.5, source
Proxy marriage: Alejandro Cicarelli, Public domain, source
Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Maithil Vivah: Sntshkumar750, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Gaye holud: Arr4, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Halay: Post of Moldova, Public domain, source
Matchmaking: Pavel Fedotov, Public domain, source
Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
ʻIe tōga: Sarah Kelemen, CC BY 2.0, source
Baju Kurung: Ministry of Information official photographer, Public domain, source
Ulos: Boy Lawson, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Ala kachuu: Illus. in: Turkestanskii al'bom, chast' étnograficheskaia: ..., 1871-1, Public domain, source
Blessing ceremony: Farragutful, CC BY-SA 3.0, source