Family roles and who does what
Who gives the bride away, who walks, who stands witness, who pays and who sits where.
A wedding is a family event first. Who walks the bride, who stands as witness, who pays, who sits at the head table and who is the best man are all roles with their own names and history. They show how a community thinks about family, and they change as families change.
Giving and receiving
Western weddings often have the father walk the bride down the aisle, a custom with roots in the transfer of authority. Hindu kanyadaan, the gift of the daughter, is performed by the bride's parents, though some now reinterpret or skip it. In Jewish weddings both sets of parents may walk the groom and the bride to the chuppah. In Muslim weddings a wali, often the father, acts for the bride, and in the Hanafi school a woman may also contract her own marriage.
Witnesses and supporters
Greek and Orthodox weddings have a koumbaros or koumbara who crowns the couple and becomes a lifelong family friend. Spanish and Latin American weddings have padrinos and madrinas who sponsor parts of the day. English weddings have the best man and the maid of honour, and Hindu weddings the bride's brother, who pours rice into her hands in the laja homa. Jewish and Muslim weddings need two witnesses.
What is changing
Mothers now often walk their daughters, couples enter together, and step-parents and same-sex parents have a clear place. Many couples pay for their own weddings. The role of in-laws is still strong in places where couples live with the husband's family, and brides are pressing for fair treatment of their own parents too.
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Family roles and who does what (kind of custom). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇳🇵 NepalInter-caste marriage in Nepalअन्तरजातीय विवाह
Marriage across caste lines in a society where such unions were once illegal and remain socially contested.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 1 moreMarriage stone
A carved stone bearing the initials and date of a newly married couple, placed on a building to mark their union.Adornment · After the wedding
🇿🇦 South AfricaPolygamy in South Africa
The practice of men marrying more than one wife under customary and Islamic law in South Africa.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática
A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇳 GuineaPolygamy in Guinea
A polygynous marriage structure regulated by Guinean family law since 2019.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaPolygamy in Sri Lanka
The historical and current legal status of multiple marriages under Kandyan and Muslim law.Vow
🇺🇿 UzbekistanPolygamy in Uzbekistan
The practice of men taking multiple wives in a country where the law strictly forbids it.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇾🇪 YemenPolygamy in Yemen
A legal practice allowing Muslim men to marry up to four wives under specific conditions.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 Kano, NigeriaPolygamy in Nigeria
A marital practice where men take multiple wives, legally recognized in twelve northern states under Sharia law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreTongyangxi童養媳 (tóngyǎngxí); Hokkien: 媳婦仔 (sim-pū-á)
An adopted girl raised beside a son so a poor family could be sure he would have a wifeBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 5 moreCousin marriage in the Middle East
A traditional practice of marrying close relatives, especially paternal cousins, across Middle Eastern communities.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreLieberman clause
A ketubah provision for rabbinic arbitration to prevent a woman from being unable to remarry.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇲 GambiaPolygamy in the Gambia
The legal recognition of men having multiple wives in West African society.Family role
🇿🇦 South AfricaUkungenwa
A South African custom where a widowed woman is inherited by her late husband's male relatives.Family role · After the wedding
🇹🇩 ChadPolygamy in Chad
A legally recognized marriage structure where one husband has multiple wives across Chadian communities.Family role
🇲🇲 Myanmar and 1 moreMayu-Dama
The Kachin kinship system that defines who can marry whom through wife-giver and wife-taker rolesBetrothal · Finding a match
🇳🇵 NepalSherpa marriage
The astrological matching and barley beer offering that binds a Sherpa couple.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 2 morePolygamy in Saudi Arabia
A legal marriage structure allowing a man to have up to four wives under Islamic law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process
Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇹 Rome, Italy and 1 moreContubernium
A recognized union between slaves or a slave and a free person in ancient RomeBetrothal · After the wedding
🇮🇩 IndonesiaPolygamy in Indonesia
The legal and customary practice of men having multiple wives across Indonesian faiths and communities.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Polygamy in South Africa: Unknown author, CC BY 4.0, source
- Sherpa marriage: Dirk Pons, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Tongyangxi: Unknown photographer, Public domain, source
- Contubernium: Mark Landon, CC BY 4.0, source
- Inter-caste marriage in Nepal: Sajan Pundit, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Marriage stone: Kim Traynor, CC BY-SA 3.0, source