Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditionsРусская свадьба
A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox crowning, ransom games, and lively toasting in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaArabikalyanam
A temporary marriage arrangement between Arabian men and women in Kerala that has been linked to exploitation.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreLovespoonLlwy garu
A carved wooden spoon given as a romantic gift to show skill and intent.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaMeitei weddingLuhongba (ꯂꯨꯍꯣꯡꯕ)
The traditional union of the Meitei people, marked by clan exogamy and specific courtship rituals.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇶 Baghdad, IraqWedding traditions in Iraq
A structured sequence of arranged matches, religious vows, and family feasts across Iraqi communities.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent
The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market
Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring
A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇱 Poland and 6 moreKolachколач (kolach), калач (kalach), kołacz, colac, kalács
A braided or ring-shaped bread that marks weddings and major holidays across Eastern Europe.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreHausa traditional marriage
The Islamic marriage rites of the Hausa people in Northern Nigeria and Niger.Rite · Finding a match
🇳🇬 NigeriaFattening room
A traditional Nigerian retreat where Efik women are secluded to learn skills and gain weight before marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 IndonesiaMinangkabau marriage
A matrilineal wedding tradition from West Sumatra where the groom moves into his wife's family home.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreBridal shower
A pre-wedding gift-giving party hosted for the bride by her friends and family.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreGhost marriage冥婚 (mínghūn)
A union arranged for deceased individuals to ensure harmony in the afterlife and care in this one.Rite · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 5 moreBride buying
The exchange of money or goods for a woman to become a wife.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇻🇳 VietnamTraditional Vietnamese weddingLễ cưới truyền thống Việt Nam
The multi-stage ceremony of betrothal, engagement and union that marks a marriage in Vietnam.Attire · Finding a match
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا / شغار
A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families swap brides to bind households and manage domestic tensions.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇮🇳 IndiaTelugu Hindu weddingతెలుగు వివాహ వేడుక
A multi-day Telugu Hindu marriage marked by seven vows around fire and family rituals.Rite · Finding a match
🇹🇱 Dili, Timor-Leste and 1 moreTimorese wedding traditionsBarlake
The gift exchange and family alliance rituals practiced on the island of Timor.Gift custom · Finding a match
🇪🇬 Egypt and 5 moreArab weddingزفاف or فرح or عرس
A series of family-centered rites and processions that mark marriage across the Arab world.Rite · Finding a match
🇨🇳 China and 2 moreChinese pre-wedding customs三書六禮 (sàam syù luhk láih)
The traditional betrothal rituals of the Book of Rites that prepare a Chinese marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 5 moreBride kidnapping
The abduction of a woman or girl by a man who wishes to marry her, ranging from consensual elopement to violent coercionBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 4 moreAuspicious wedding dates
The selection of lucky times for a ceremony based on astrology, numerology, and tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇧🇳 BruneiBrunei Malay wedding
The sequence of ceremonies that mark the engagement and marriage of Brunei Malays.Rite · Finding a match
🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreEngagement party
A gathering to announce a new engagement and introduce the two families before the wedding.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic wordAdornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaZoroastrian wedding
A Zoroastrian marriage ceremony featuring hand-fastening, rice sprinkling, and shared meals.Rite · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach
A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaSakharpuda
The Maharashtrian engagement rite where sugar and coconuts seal a verbal promise between families.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAiburo Bhaatআইবুড়ো ভাত
The final bachelor feast for the bride and groom before their Bengali weddingFeast custom · The weeks before
🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn)
The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding
Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match
🇮🇷 Iran and 5 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة
A private contract for a fixed-term marriage practiced in Twelver Shia Islam.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina
A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch
A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding
A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ
A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreIranian weddingمراسم عروسی در ایران
A multi-stage celebration rooted in Zoroastrian tradition and adapted by Islamic customs across Iran.Rite · Finding a match
🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis
The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony
🇩🇪 Germany and 5 moreMorganatic marriageEhe zur linken Hand
A union between people of unequal rank that bars the spouse and children from inheriting titles or throne rights.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇪 Ireland and 3 moreBachelor's Day
The custom that lets women propose to men on Leap DayBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Delhi, India and 4 moreSindoorसिंदूर (Hindi)
The vermilion powder a Hindu husband applies to his wife's hair parting to mark her marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 IndiaDaiva marriageदैवविवाह (Daivavivāha)
An ancient Hindu rite where a daughter is given to the priest who officiates her father's sacrifice.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 1 moreVaniونى (Urdu)
A forced child marriage used as compensation to settle tribal disputes in Pakistan.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 4 moreHeqin和親 (Héqīn)
A historical Chinese policy of uniting imperial families with neighboring rulers to secure peace.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyWedding Quodlibet
A lighthearted musical piece by J.S. Bach performed at weddings in early 18th-century Germany.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring
A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic word.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇪 Kenya and 1 moreAyie
The Luo bride price ceremony where the mother accepts payment and agrees to the marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Oaxacan wedding: Adam Jones, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Iranian wedding: Flickr.com user "avlxyz", CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Morganatic marriage: Sergei Lvovich Levitsky (1819 – 1898) and Rafail Sergeevich Levitsky (, Public domain, source
- Wedding Quodlibet: Aschroet, CC0, source
- Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Lovespoon: Btinsley785, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Meitei wedding: Dabu Leichombam, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent: Hindustanilanguage, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
- Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
- Kolach: Лобачев Владимир, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Hausa traditional marriage: Bembety, CC0, source
- Ayie: SteveRwanda, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Sindoor: Masum-al-hasan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Minangkabau marriage: Mamasamala, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Acrostic ring: Jlblackmore, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Bridal shower: The McClouds, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Traditional Vietnamese wedding: Gabrielle M. Vassal, Public domain, source
- Timorese wedding traditions: ColinTrainor, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Arab wedding: 13th century artist, Public domain, source
- Chinese pre-wedding customs: Anonymous ( China ) Unknown author, CC0, source
- Bride kidnapping: Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, Public domain, source
- Engagement party: Melissa Gupta, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
- Aiburo Bhaat: Ranganm2021, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Badchen: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Assyrian wedding: Yucalyptus, CC0, source
- Heqin: पाटलिपुत्र, CC BY-SA 4.0, source