Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah) The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match

🇮🇳 IndiaShankha White conch shell bangles worn by Bengali Hindu married women as a symbol of their husband's well-being.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar A blend of Buddhist rites, astrological timing, and family negotiations that defines union across Myanmar's diverse ethnRite · Finding a match

🇰🇿 Kazakhstan and 1 moreKazakh wedding ceremonyҮйлену тойы (Üilenu toiy) The multi-stage Kazakh marriage process featuring the face-revealing feast and the Islamic religious contract.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼) A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match

🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanMizuhiki水引 The knotted paper cord that adorns Japanese wedding gifts and envelopesAdornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄ A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇱🇰 Sri LankaBeena marriage A pre-Islamic Arabian custom where the husband moves to the wife's home and she keeps her own tent.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match

🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 India and 1 moreSvayamvaraस्वयंवर (svayaṃvara) A ceremony where a bride selects her husband from assembled suitors or through a public contest.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 2 moreAla kachuuала качуу A Kyrgyz custom of taking a woman for marriage, ranging from consensual elopement to forced abduction.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic) A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaHindi wedding songs Film and folk music that accompanies the stages of a North Indian Hindu wedding.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 IndiaBride buying in India The forced purchase of women from impoverished regions for arranged marriages in Northern India.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇦 Montreal, Canada and 2 moreMarriage à la façon du pays The customary union between European fur traders and Indigenous women in North AmericaBetrothal · Finding a match

🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditions A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox rites, civil registration, and lively folk customs in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn) A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match

🇨🇳 China and 4 moreChinese wedding door games堵门游戏 (dǔmén yóuxì) Challenges set by bridesmaids for the groom at the bride's home to prove his devotion.Play · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match

🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 Edinburgh, United KingdomLuckenbooth brooch A Scottish heart-shaped silver token of love and protection worn at weddings.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match 🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before

🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai) A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreIranian weddingمراسم عروسی در ایران A multi-stage celebration rooted in Zoroastrian tradition and adapted by Islamic customs across Iran.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 4 moreWatta sattaوٹّا سٹّا (Punjabi), شغار (Urdu) A reciprocal marriage arrangement where two families exchange sisters and brothers to bind their households together.Betrothal · Finding a match

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Chinese wedding door games: elfgoh, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Jewish wedding: Jozef Israëls, Public domain, source
Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Svayamvara: Nandalal Bose, Public domain, source
Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
Same-sex marriage in Taiwan: Guy of taipei, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Bride buying in India: Jorge Royan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Imilchil Marriage Festival: Zakaria ElQotbi, CC BY 2.0, source
Shankha: Salil Kumar Mukherjee, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Luckenbooth brooch: Walker14806, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Oaxacan wedding: Adam Jones, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Iranian wedding: Flickr.com user "avlxyz", CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Knottekistje: mwibawa, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Mizuhiki: User:FA2010, Public domain, source
Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
Oppana: Shagil Kannur, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Kazakh wedding ceremony: jerome taylor, CC BY 2.0, source
Ala kachuu: Illus. in: Turkestanskii al'bom, chast' étnograficheskaia: ..., 1871-1, Public domain, source
Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source