Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇭🇺 Budapest, HungaryRecognition of same-sex unions in Hungarybejegyzett élettársi kapcsolat The legal framework for same-sex relationships in Hungary, ranging from informal cohabitation to registered partnershipsModern · Engagement and betrothal 🇷🇼 RwandaPolygamy in Rwanda The traditional practice of men having multiple wives, now illegal but still found in rural areas.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 Kano, NigeriaPolygamy in Nigeria A marital practice where men take multiple wives, legally recognized in twelve northern states under Sharia law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇨 EcuadorSame-sex civil unions in EcuadorUnión de hecho Legal recognition of same-sex partnerships granted by the 2008 Constitution and implemented in 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 4 moreHope chest A wooden chest where a bride collects linens and gifts before her wedding.Attire · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreSurrogate marriage A woman marries another woman to bear children for her lineage when she cannot have them herself.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇺🇸 United StatesCovenant marriage A stricter legal marriage contract in three US states that limits divorce grounds and requires counseling.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇷 Iran and 3 moreXwedodahxwidōdāh A Zoroastrian rite of close-kin marriage rooted in ancient cosmology and royal tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇮 SloveniaSame-sex marriage in SloveniaZakonska zveza istospolnih partnerjev The legal recognition of same-sex unions that evolved from limited partnerships to full marriage rights.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 GermanyLandshut WeddingLandshuter Hochzeit A four-year historical pageant in Bavaria re-enacting the 1475 royal marriage of George and Hedwig.Setting · Engagement and betrothal 🇱🇰 Kandy, Sri LankaKandyan marriage The traditional union rites of Sri Lanka's Buddhist Kandyan community, defined by residence and inheritance.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 London, United Kingdom and 1 moreCivil partnership in the United Kingdom A legal union for same-sex and opposite-sex couples in the UK, offering rights equal to marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇿🇦 South AfricaCivil partnership in South Africa A legal union in South Africa that grants same-sex and opposite-sex couples the same rights as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇿 Prague, CzechiaRegistered partnership in the Czech Republicregistrované partnerství The legal framework for same-sex couples in Czechia that grants marriage-like rights without the title of marriage.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇩 IndonesiaPolygamy in Indonesia The legal and customary practice of men having multiple wives across Indonesian faiths and communities.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇫 Kabul, AfghanistanPolygamy in Afghanistan The practice of Afghan men taking multiple wives under Islamic and civil law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇳 GuineaPolygamy in Guinea A polygynous marriage structure regulated by Guinean family law since 2019.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇻 MaldivesPolygamy in the Maldives The legal practice allowing men to marry multiple wives under strict financial conditions.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇯🇵 Japan and 4 morePicture brideNakōdo (仲人) matchmaking; Jungmae gyeolhon (결혼) process Early twentieth century marriages arranged through photographs between Asian immigrant men and women in Hawaii and the UBetrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 Saurath, India and 2 moreSaurath Sabha The annual Maithil Brahmin gathering in Bihar for arranged marriages based on lineage records.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇳 Kinnaur, IndiaPolyandry in India A practice where a woman has multiple husbands at the same time, found in specific Indian communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇱🇾 LibyaPolygamy in Libya The practice of men marrying multiple wives within Libyan law and custom.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 Mysore, IndiaMysore Kalyanam A fraudulent marriage scheme targeting women from Kerala for dowry moneyGift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇿🇦 South AfricaPolygamy in South Africa The practice of men marrying more than one wife under customary and Islamic law in South Africa.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇧🇩 BangladeshPolygamy in Bangladesh The practice of men taking multiple wives, regulated by different laws for Muslims and Hindus.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each marry a sister from the other family.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇿🇲 ZambiaPolygamy in Zambia A legal form of marriage allowing one man to have multiple wives under customary law.Family role · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Germany and 3 moreHerem of Rabbeinu GershomḤerem de-Rabbeinu Gershom Medieval ordinances that banned polygyny and forced divorce for Ashkenazi Jews.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 5 moreCousin marriage in the Middle East A traditional practice of marrying close relatives, especially paternal cousins, across Middle Eastern communities.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreSame-sex marriage and Judaism How different branches of Judaism handle the union of two people of the same sex.Modern · The ceremony 🇸🇦 Saudi Arabia and 2 morePolygamy in Saudi Arabia A legal marriage structure allowing a man to have up to four wives under Islamic law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇭 GhanaPolygamy in Ghana A practice where a man has multiple wives, recognized under customary law but illegal under civil statutes.Family role · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇵 NepalInter-caste marriage in Nepalअन्तरजातीय विवाह Marriage across caste lines in a society where such unions were once illegal and remain socially contested.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇧🇴 Santa Cruz de la Sierra, BoliviaRecognition of same-sex unions in Bolivia The legal recognition of civil unions and marriages for same-sex couples in Bolivia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇲 Myanmar and 1 moreMayu-Dama The Kachin kinship system that defines who can marry whom through wife-giver and wife-taker rolesBetrothal · Finding a match 🇲🇨 Monaco, MonacoRecognition of same-sex unions in Monacocontrat de vie commune; union civile Legal frameworks for same-sex couples in Monaco, from cohabitation agreements to ongoing civil union debates.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Same-sex marriage in Greece: Mzimu, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Landshut Wedding: Oktobersonne, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Xwedodah: Dageoa, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Recognition of same-sex unions in Hungary: Christo, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Saurath Sabha: Saurath Sabha, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Polyandry: Raja Ravi Varma, Public domain, source
More danico: Edward Burne-Jones, Public domain, source
Herem of Rabbeinu Gershom: Nixnubix, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage and Judaism: Ed and Eddie, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Inter-caste marriage in Nepal: Sajan Pundit, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Polygamy in South Africa: Unknown author, CC BY 4.0, source
Hope chest: Poul Friis Nybo, Public domain, source
Registered partnership in the Czech Republic: Martin Strachoň, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source