Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇮🇶 Mosul, IraqWedding traditions in Iraq The arranged courtship, religious rites and multi-day celebrations that mark marriage in Iraqi society.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match

🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match

🇮🇳 IndiaOdia Hindu weddingBahaghara (ଓଡ଼ିଆ ବାହାଘର) The traditional Hindu marriage ceremony of the Odia people in Odisha, India.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn) A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match 🇵🇪 Peru and 4 moreBride service Labor provided by the groom to the bride's family as part of the marriage arrangement.Gift custom · Finding a match

🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match 🇨🇦 CanadaStag and doe A Canadian fundraiser where guests pay to help the couple cover wedding costs.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditionsРусская свадьба A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox crowning, ransom games, and lively toasting in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇲🇹 MaltaSame-sex marriage in MaltaŻwieġ bejn persuni tal-istess sess The legal recognition of same-sex marriage and civil unions in Malta.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 4 moreAuspicious wedding dates The selection of lucky times for a ceremony based on astrology, numerology, and tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 NigeriaYoruba traditional weddingIgbeyawo The multi-day Yoruba marriage ceremony featuring traditional attire, family introductions, and the Eru Iyawo gift list.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

🇱🇹 Lithuania and 1 moreLithuanian wedding songsvestuvinės dainos The polyphonic songs and weeping rituals that mark a Lithuanian bride's transition to her new family.Performance · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇷 Iran and 5 moreNikah mut'ahنكاح المتعة A private contract for a fixed-term marriage practiced in Twelver Shia Islam.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇧🇳 BruneiBrunei Malay wedding The sequence of ceremonies that mark the engagement and marriage of Brunei Malays.Rite · Finding a match 🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaHindi wedding songs Film and folk music that accompanies the stages of a North Indian Hindu wedding.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 India and 1 moreAiburo Bhaatআইবুড়ো ভাত The final bachelor feast for the bride and groom before their Bengali weddingFeast custom · The weeks before

🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇺🇸 Las Vegas, United StatesLas Vegas weddings Quick civil or religious ceremonies held in Las Vegas due to easy licensing and diverse venues.Setting · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇪 Dublin, IrelandSame-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland The legal recognition of same-sex marriage following a national referendum in 2015Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 Delhi, India and 4 moreSindoorसिंदूर (Hindi) The vermilion powder a Hindu husband applies to his wife's hair parting to mark her marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇪 Ireland and 3 moreBachelor's Day The custom that lets women propose to men on Leap DayBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 2 moreLavender marriage A heterosexual union formed to hide the queer identity of one or both partners and protect a public career.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇶 Iraq and 1 moreInterdenominational marriage A wedding between two people of different denominations within the same religion.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaDaiva marriageदैवविवाह (Daivavivāha) An ancient Hindu rite where a daughter is given to the priest who officiates her father's sacrifice.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇧🇷 Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and 1 moreSame-sex marriage in Brazil The nationwide legal recognition of same-sex unions following a 2013 judicial ruling.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇱 Amsterdam, Netherlands and 5 moreSame-sex marriage The legal union of two people of the same sex or gender, recognized in dozens of countries.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreInterfaith marriage A union between spouses of different faiths, navigating legal and religious boundaries across the world.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇬 Egypt and 2 moreMisyar marriageزواج المسيار (zawāj al-misyār) A Sunni Islamic contract where the wife waives cohabitation and financial support in exchange for a legal union.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Germany and 5 moreMorganatic marriageEhe zur linken Hand A union between people of unequal rank that bars the spouse and children from inheriting titles or throne rights.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreRing fingerdigitus annularis The fourth digit of the hand where wedding and engagement rings are traditionally worn.Attire · The ceremony 🇵🇰 Pakistan and 1 moreVaniونى (Urdu) A forced child marriage used as compensation to settle tribal disputes in Pakistan.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇪 Kenya and 1 moreAyie The Luo bride price ceremony where the mother accepts payment and agrees to the marriage.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇦🇺 AustraliaWishing well A decorated box where guests leave cash or small gifts for couples who already have a home.Gift custom · Reception, dance and gifts

🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 4 moreHeqin和親 (Héqīn) A historical Chinese policy of uniting imperial families with neighboring rulers to secure peace.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 GermanyWedding Quodlibet A lighthearted musical piece by J.S. Bach performed at weddings in early 18th-century Germany.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇫🇷 France and 1 moreAcrostic ring A jewelled band where gemstone initials spell a secret romantic word.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇷 Greece and 2 moreAdelphopoiesis A historical Eastern Christian ceremony uniting two people of the same sex in a recognized spiritual bond.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇪🇪 Tallinn, EstoniaSame-sex marriage in Estonia The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Baltic state, following registered partnerships.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇦🇩 AndorraSame-sex marriage in AndorraMatrimoni entre persones del mateix sexe The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the Pyrenean principality since 2023.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Yoruba traditional wedding: Fhadekhemmy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Lithuanian wedding songs: Gailė Paštukaitė, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
Lavender marriage: Katharine Cornell and the Playwrights' Company; Vandamm Studio, photog, Public domain, source
Morganatic marriage: Sergei Lvovich Levitsky (1819 – 1898) and Rafail Sergeevich Levitsky (, Public domain, source
Wedding Quodlibet: Aschroet, CC0, source
Ring finger: RAPMOODDE, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Brazil: Fabio Pozzebom/ABr, CC BY 3.0 br, source
Same-sex marriage: Stefano Bolognini, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Knottekistje: mwibawa, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
Odia Hindu wedding: Aditya Mahar, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Assyrian wedding: Yucalyptus, CC0, source
Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Wishing well: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Ayie: SteveRwanda, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Sindoor: Masum-al-hasan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Acrostic ring: Jlblackmore, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Aiburo Bhaat: Ranganm2021, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Heqin: पाटलिपुत्र, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Las Vegas weddings: Henrickson ( talk ) ( Uploads ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in the Republic of Ireland: Kaihsu Tai, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Estonia: Märt Põder, CC BY-SA 4.0, source