Engagement and betrothal
The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.
Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.
The asking and the agreement
In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.
Rings and tokens
The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.
What is changing
Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.
About this page
Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.
🇵🇰 Lahore, Pakistan and 1 morePolygamy in Pakistan
The legal allowance for Muslim men to have up to four wives under Pakistani law.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇿 Wellington, New ZealandCivil union in New Zealand
A legal partnership for same-sex and opposite-sex couples established by statute in New Zealand.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Sasaula, IndiaSasaula Sabha Gachhiससौला सभा गाछी
A historic gathering spot where Maithil Brahmin families matchmake and record marriages.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática
A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Athens, GreeceSame-sex marriage in GreeceΟμοφυλοφιλικός γάμος (Omofylofilikos gamos)
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex, effective since February 2024.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec
A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik
A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇽🇰 Kosovo and 2 morePodruga
A second wife brought into the home to bear children when the first marriage is childless.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 NetherlandsPoffer
The elaborate white headdress worn by married women in the Netherlands to mark their status.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇷 South KoreaChaesang채상 (Chaesang)
Woven bamboo boxes used to store dowry items in traditional Korean weddingsGift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער
The instrumental dance music played by Ashkenazi Jewish musicians at weddings in Eastern Europe and beyondPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesHarana
A traditional Filipino courtship serenade where a suitor sings beneath a woman's window at night.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער
The instrumental wedding music of Ashkenazi Jews, blending Eastern European and Jewish ritual melodies.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Pano Lefkara, CyprusLefkara laceLefkaritika
The intricate white cotton embroidery from Cyprus that forms a bride's essential dowry collection.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaGaze
A traditional dance of the Lugbara people in Northern Uganda performed at weddings and festivalsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaLarakaraka
An Acholi courtship dance where young men display agility to attract a partner.Play · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Quezon City, PhilippinesBinukot
A Visayan custom of secluding young noblewomen to preserve their purity and elevate their marriage value.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreXiapei霞帔
The embroidered scarf or waistcoat that marks a woman's status in Chinese and Korean weddingsAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaOkeme
A lively Lango folk dance performed at weddings to bring the community together.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 Fuzhou, China and 2 moreOil-Paper Umbrella油紙傘
A protective canopy shielding the bride from harm and blessing the marriageBlessing · Procession and arrival
🇯🇵 Kyoto, Japan and 5 moreTeeth blackeningohaguro
A traditional practice of dyeing teeth black to signal adulthood and beauty in parts of Asia and Oceania.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaNaleyo
A courtship dance of the Karamojong people where men and women jump facing each other to find partners.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇺 Mauritius and 1 moreGeet-Gawai𑂏𑂲𑂞 𑂏𑂫𑂰𑂆 (Bhojpuri)
A pre-wedding ritual of Bhojpuri-speaking people in Mauritius featuring songs and dance.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 Indonesia and 4 morePantunڤنتون
A Malayic oral poetry form used in wedding greetings and daily communication to express ideas through rhyme.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 ChinaHebao荷包 (Hébāo)
A traditional Chinese embroidered pouch used for gifts, medicine, and romantic tokens.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKelaghayiKəlağayı
A traditional silk headscarf exchanged as a marriage proposal and worn at henna parties in Azerbaijan and Armenia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 5 moreCousin marriage
A union between people who share a grandparent or recent ancestor, practiced in many regions and communities.Vow · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 3 moreInter-caste marriage
A union between people of different castes, often contested in South Asia.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 5 morePolyandry
A marriage structure where one woman is wed to multiple men simultaneously or in sequence.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 morePrenuptial agreement
A written contract signed before marriage to define property rights and financial outcomes.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in the District of Columbia
The legal union of two people regardless of gender in Washington, D.C., established in 2010.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Chicago, United StatesSame-sex marriage in Illinois
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the US state since June 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Salt Lake City, United StatesLatter Day Saint polygamy in the late-19th century
The practice of plural marriage among Latter-day Saints that drew intense government scrutiny and led to its abandonmentVow · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇰 Denmark and 5 moreWidow conservationÄnkekonservering
A Protestant custom where a new vicar married his predecessor's widow to secure her support.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyKranzgeld
The obsolete German legal compensation paid to a woman if her fiancé broke the engagement after sex.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in tribal nations
Legal recognition of same-sex unions within the sovereign jurisdictions of Native American tribes in the United States.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇿 Wellington, New ZealandCivil union in New Zealand
A legal partnership for same-sex and opposite-sex couples established by statute in New Zealand.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 Sasaula, IndiaSasaula Sabha Gachhiससौला सभा गाछी
A historic gathering spot where Maithil Brahmin families matchmake and record marriages.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇪🇸 SpainRoyal Pragmatic on MarriageReal Pragmática
A Spanish law requiring parental permission for marriage to enforce social class boundaries.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇬🇷 Athens, GreeceSame-sex marriage in GreeceΟμοφυλοφιλικός γάμος (Omofylofilikos gamos)
The legal recognition of marriage between two people of the same sex, effective since February 2024.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇦 CanadaCivil union in Quebec
A legal partnership in Quebec that grants same rights to opposite and same-sex couples as marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇫🇷 France and 4 moreMore danicodansk skik
A Medieval Scandinavian marriage custom allowing polygyny and secular unions outside church control.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇽🇰 Kosovo and 2 morePodruga
A second wife brought into the home to bear children when the first marriage is childless.Family role · Engagement and betrothal
🇳🇱 NetherlandsPoffer
The elaborate white headdress worn by married women in the Netherlands to mark their status.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇰🇷 South KoreaChaesang채상 (Chaesang)
Woven bamboo boxes used to store dowry items in traditional Korean weddingsGift custom · Engagement and betrothal
🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער
The instrumental dance music played by Ashkenazi Jewish musicians at weddings in Eastern Europe and beyondPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Cebu, PhilippinesHarana
A traditional Filipino courtship serenade where a suitor sings beneath a woman's window at night.Betrothal · Finding a match
🇷🇴 Romania and 5 moreKlezmerקלעזמער
The instrumental wedding music of Ashkenazi Jews, blending Eastern European and Jewish ritual melodies.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇾 Pano Lefkara, CyprusLefkara laceLefkaritika
The intricate white cotton embroidery from Cyprus that forms a bride's essential dowry collection.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaGaze
A traditional dance of the Lugbara people in Northern Uganda performed at weddings and festivalsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaLarakaraka
An Acholi courtship dance where young men display agility to attract a partner.Play · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇭 Quezon City, PhilippinesBinukot
A Visayan custom of secluding young noblewomen to preserve their purity and elevate their marriage value.Betrothal · The weeks before
🇨🇳 China and 1 moreXiapei霞帔
The embroidered scarf or waistcoat that marks a woman's status in Chinese and Korean weddingsAttire · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaOkeme
A lively Lango folk dance performed at weddings to bring the community together.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 Fuzhou, China and 2 moreOil-Paper Umbrella油紙傘
A protective canopy shielding the bride from harm and blessing the marriageBlessing · Procession and arrival
🇯🇵 Kyoto, Japan and 5 moreTeeth blackeningohaguro
A traditional practice of dyeing teeth black to signal adulthood and beauty in parts of Asia and Oceania.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇬 UgandaNaleyo
A courtship dance of the Karamojong people where men and women jump facing each other to find partners.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇲🇺 Mauritius and 1 moreGeet-Gawai𑂏𑂲𑂞 𑂏𑂫𑂰𑂆 (Bhojpuri)
A pre-wedding ritual of Bhojpuri-speaking people in Mauritius featuring songs and dance.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇩 Indonesia and 4 morePantunڤنتون
A Malayic oral poetry form used in wedding greetings and daily communication to express ideas through rhyme.Performance · Engagement and betrothal
🇨🇳 ChinaHebao荷包 (Hébāo)
A traditional Chinese embroidered pouch used for gifts, medicine, and romantic tokens.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal
🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKelaghayiKəlağayı
A traditional silk headscarf exchanged as a marriage proposal and worn at henna parties in Azerbaijan and Armenia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal
🇵🇰 Pakistan and 5 moreCousin marriage
A union between people who share a grandparent or recent ancestor, practiced in many regions and communities.Vow · Finding a match
🇮🇳 India and 3 moreInter-caste marriage
A union between people of different castes, often contested in South Asia.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇮🇳 India and 5 morePolyandry
A marriage structure where one woman is wed to multiple men simultaneously or in sequence.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 morePrenuptial agreement
A written contract signed before marriage to define property rights and financial outcomes.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in the District of Columbia
The legal union of two people regardless of gender in Washington, D.C., established in 2010.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Chicago, United StatesSame-sex marriage in Illinois
The legal recognition of same-sex unions in the US state since June 2014.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Salt Lake City, United StatesLatter Day Saint polygamy in the late-19th century
The practice of plural marriage among Latter-day Saints that drew intense government scrutiny and led to its abandonmentVow · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇰 Denmark and 5 moreWidow conservationÄnkekonservering
A Protestant custom where a new vicar married his predecessor's widow to secure her support.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal
🇩🇪 GermanyKranzgeld
The obsolete German legal compensation paid to a woman if her fiancé broke the engagement after sex.Vow · Engagement and betrothal
🇺🇸 Washington, United StatesSame-sex marriage in tribal nations
Legal recognition of same-sex unions within the sovereign jurisdictions of Native American tribes in the United States.Modern · Engagement and betrothal
Photo credits on this page
The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.
- Kelaghayi: Urmen19, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Lefkara lace: Cyprus Tourism CH, CC BY 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Greece: Mzimu, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
- Harana: Markytour777, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Xiapei: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Pantun: Nurmalinda Maharfar, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Polyandry: Raja Ravi Varma, Public domain, source
- Poffer: Unknown author, Public domain, source
- Cousin marriage: 綾絲, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Civil union in New Zealand: Helen Robinson, CC BY-SA 2.5, source
- Klezmer: Syrena Records (Warsaw), Public domain, source
- More danico: Edward Burne-Jones, Public domain, source
- Larakaraka: Tabwoch, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Okeme: Emma Oruk, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Mormon polygamy: Charles Weitfle, Public domain, source
- Widow conservation: Keith Ruffles, CC BY 3.0, source
- Teeth blackening: momo, CC BY 2.0, source
- Binukot: Francisco Ignacio Alcina, Public domain, source
- Same-sex marriage in the District of Columbia: Nate Hill, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
- Prenuptial agreement: Jan Josef Horemans the Younger, Public domain, source
- Oil-Paper Umbrella: Richard, CC BY 2.0, source
- Same-sex marriage in Illinois: nathanmac87, CC BY 2.0, source
- Klezmer: Unknown artist identified as "M.D.", Public domain, source