Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇸🇸 South Sudan and 1 moreGhost marriage in South Sudan A union where a living brother stands in for a deceased groom to secure lineage and wealth.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇱 NetherlandsKnottekistje A silver Frisian box that replaced a knotted cloth as the token of engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇬 UgandaGomesi The floor-length traditional dress worn by women in Buganda and Busoga for weddings and formal events.Attire · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 1 moreLeirum Pheeꯂꯩꯔꯨꯝ ꯐꯤ A traditional Meitei shawl given as a wedding gift from parents to daughtersAttire · Engagement and betrothal

🇩🇪 Germany and 4 moreDower A share of the husband's property set aside to secure a woman's life if he dies first.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreBridal shower A pre-wedding gift-giving party hosted for the bride by her friends and family.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 India and 4 moreAuspicious wedding dates The selection of lucky times for a ceremony based on astrology, numerology, and tradition.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇽 Oaxaca, MexicoOaxacan wedding A multi-day Catholic celebration in Oaxaca featuring mole, mezcal, and communal dancing.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇱 Poland and 1 moreBadchenבּדחן (badkhn) The Ashkenazi Jewish wedding entertainer and master of ceremonies who guides the couple through ritual stages with song Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 China and 4 moreChinese wedding door games堵门游戏 (dǔmén yóuxì) Challenges set by bridesmaids for the groom at the bride's home to prove his devotion.Play · Engagement and betrothal

🇦🇿 AzerbaijanAzerbaijani wedding traditionsAzərbaycanın toy adətləri The multi-step family rituals of Azerbaijani weddings, from matchmaking to the henna night.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇳 IndiaHindi wedding songs Film and folk music that accompanies the stages of a North Indian Hindu wedding.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaOdia Hindu weddingBahaghara (ଓଡ଼ିଆ ବାହାଘର) The traditional Hindu marriage ceremony of the Odia people in Odisha, India.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇳🇬 Nigeria and 1 moreHausa traditional marriage The Islamic marriage rites of the Hausa people in Northern Nigeria and Niger.Rite · Finding a match

🇮🇷 Tehran, Iran and 1 moreIranian weddingمراسم عروسی در ایران A multi-stage ceremony rooted in Zoroastrianism and Islam that binds families through courtship, feasts, and sacred vowsRite · Finding a match

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 5 moreGroomsman A male attendant who supports the groom and assists guests at a wedding.Family role · Finding a match 🇮🇶 Mosul, IraqWedding traditions in Iraq The arranged courtship, religious rites and multi-day celebrations that mark marriage in Iraqi society.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇳🇬 NigeriaMoney marriage A practice in southern Nigeria where a girl is given in marriage to settle her family's debts.Gift custom · Finding a match

🇸🇾 Syria and 3 moreAssyrian wedding Marriage ceremonies blending ancient Assyrian rites with modern cultural practices among the Assyrian people.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇩 IndonesiaNgerorod A traditional Balinese Hindu elopement where couples marry by mutual consent despite family opposition.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇨🇳 ChinaTraditional Chinese marriage婚姻 (hūnyīn) A union between two families governed by Confucian rites and the exchange of gifts.Rite · Finding a match 🇮🇱 Israel and 1 moreBaháʼí marriage A spiritual union requiring parental consent and a specific vow to establish harmony between partners.Rite · Finding a match 🇵🇪 Peru and 4 moreBride service Labor provided by the groom to the bride's family as part of the marriage arrangement.Gift custom · Finding a match

🇳🇬 NigeriaIgbo traditional marriageIgba Nkwu The multi-stage Igbo marriage process that formalizes a union through family negotiations and the wine-carrying ceremonyRite · Finding a match

🇺🇦 UkraineTraditional Ukrainian weddingТрадиційне українське весілля A multi-day sequence of folk rites, bread baking and church vows that marks the transition from maidenhood to married liRite · Finding a match

🇿🇦 South Africa and 1 moreLobololobola (Zulu, Xhosa, Swazi, Ndebele), mahadi (Sesotho), mahari (Swahili), magadi (Sepedi), bogadi (Setswana), lovola (Xi The livestock or cash payment from a groom's family to a bride's family that formalizes a customary marriage in SouthernGift custom · Finding a match

🇵🇬 Papua New Guinea and 5 moreSister exchange A marriage arrangement where two brothers each take a sister from the other family as their wife.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇷🇺 RussiaRussian wedding traditionsРусская свадьба A multi-day celebration blending Orthodox crowning, ransom games, and lively toasting in Russia.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇨🇭 Zurich, SwitzerlandSame-sex marriage in Switzerland The legal recognition of marriage for same-sex couples following a national referendum.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreRèiteach A Scottish Gaelic betrothal ceremony where families negotiate marriage terms and celebrate with whisky.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaArabikalyanam A temporary marriage arrangement between Arabian men and women in Kerala that has been linked to exploitation.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreLovespoonLlwy garu A carved wooden spoon given as a romantic gift to show skill and intent.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaZoroastrian wedding A Zoroastrian marriage ceremony featuring hand-fastening, rice sprinkling, and shared meals.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 2 moreWhite wedding A formal Western ceremony marked by a white bridal gown and traditional Christian rituals.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇷 Greece and 5 moreWedding ring A metal circle worn on the finger to show that a person is married.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

🇵🇱 Poland and 6 moreKolachколач (kolach), калач (kalach), kołacz, colac, kalács A braided or ring-shaped bread that marks weddings and major holidays across Eastern Europe.Feast custom · Engagement and betrothal 🇫🇮 FinlandSame-sex marriage in Finlandsukupuolineutraali avioliitto The legal recognition of same-sex unions that took effect in Finland on 1 March 2017.Modern · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreEngagement ring A ring given to signify a formal agreement to future marriage.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United StatesPre-Cana The Catholic Church course that helps engaged couples prepare for the sacrament of marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 3 moreMarriage bond A financial guarantee posted to prove a couple was legally free to marry before the ceremony took place.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 5 moreBride kidnapping The abduction of a woman or girl by a man who wishes to marry her, ranging from consensual elopement to violent coercionBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇳🇬 NigeriaFattening room A traditional Nigerian retreat where Efik women are secluded to learn skills and gain weight before marriage.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreBridesmaid A female attendant who supports the bride during a Western wedding ceremony.Family role · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaMeitei weddingLuhongba (ꯂꯨꯍꯣꯡꯕ) The traditional union of the Meitei people, marked by clan exogamy and specific courtship rituals.Rite · Finding a match

🇪🇬 Egypt and 5 moreArab weddingزفاف or فرح or عرس A series of family-centered rites and processions that mark marriage across the Arab world.Rite · Finding a match 🇨🇳 China and 1 moreGhost marriage冥婚 (mínghūn) A union arranged for deceased individuals to ensure harmony in the afterlife and care in this one.Rite · Finding a match 🇨🇳 China and 5 moreBride buying The exchange of money or goods for a woman to become a wife.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇻🇳 VietnamTraditional Vietnamese weddingLễ cưới truyền thống Việt Nam The multi-stage ceremony of betrothal, engagement and union that marks a marriage in Vietnam.Attire · Finding a match

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Interfaith marriage in Christianity: Andreas Praefcke, CC BY 3.0, source
Knottekistje: mwibawa, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Gomesi: sarahemcc, CC BY 2.0, source
Dower: Pvasiliadis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Bridal shower: The McClouds, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Oaxacan wedding: Adam Jones, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Badchen: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Chinese wedding door games: elfgoh, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Azerbaijani wedding traditions: Azim Azimzadeh, Public domain, source
Odia Hindu wedding: Aditya Mahar, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Hausa traditional marriage: Bembety, CC0, source
Iranian wedding: Flickr.com user "avlxyz", CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Groomsman: Jenny Mealing, CC BY 2.0, source
Assyrian wedding: Yucalyptus, CC0, source
Traditional Chinese marriage: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Traditional Ukrainian wedding: Пимоненко, Николай Корнильевич, Public domain, source
Lobolo: Iwuala Lucy, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Igbo traditional marriage: Olugold, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Sister exchange: Wilses, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Russian wedding traditions: GeorgeLouis, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Lovespoon: Btinsley785, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Wedding ring: CLW at English Wikipedia, Public domain, source
Kolach: Лобачев Владимир, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Engagement ring: Photo by Derek Ramsey ( Ram-Man ), CC BY-SA 2.5, source
Pre-Cana: Jebulon, CC0, source
Marriage bond: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Bride kidnapping: Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, Public domain, source
Bridesmaid: Photographer not credited; relative or work for hire of relative., CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Meitei wedding: Dabu Leichombam, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Arab wedding: 13th century artist, Public domain, source
Traditional Vietnamese wedding: Gabrielle M. Vassal, Public domain, source