Engagement and betrothal

The asking, the first gifts, the ring, the agreed date and the exchange between families.

Betrothal turns a possibility into a promise. The families agree, gifts are exchanged, a date is set and a ring or a token is given. In many places the engagement is nearly as important as the wedding itself, and in some it is the legally binding step.

The asking and the agreement

In Punjab the roka seals the match and is followed by a ceremony of gifts. In Iran the groom's family visits for the khastegari, then a sweet-eating ceremony called shirini khoran. In Greece the engagement may be blessed in church with rings on the right hand. In Ethiopia and Eritrea elders from both sides negotiate through a formal speech, and in southern Africa the lobola talks are held between the two families through representatives.

Rings and tokens

The engagement ring became widespread in the West after the diamond marketing of the twentieth century. Earlier tokens included a coin, a ring or a thimble. In Scandinavia both partners may wear plain engagement bands, in Germany rings are worn on the left hand during engagement and switched to the right after the wedding. In India the ring is often exchanged in a ceremony called sagai or mangni.

What is changing

Couples now propose to each other, announce online, and hold joint engagement parties. Some communities have shortened the engagement or merged it with the wedding to save cost. Where betrothal once bound families legally, it is now generally a social promise only, and breaking it carries less penalty than in the past.

About this page

Written by the EveryShaadi desk with AI assistance. Background on Engagement and betrothal (stage of the wedding). Customs differ from place to place and family to family. If this is your tradition and we have it wrong, tell us.

🇺🇸 United States and 1 moreWedding registry A service that helps couples share their gift preferences with guests to avoid duplicates and unwanted items.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇱🇰 Sri LankaBeena marriage A pre-Islamic Arabian custom where the husband moves to the wife's home and she keeps her own tent.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇲 MyanmarMarriage in Myanmar A blend of Buddhist rites, astrological timing, and family negotiations that defines union across Myanmar's diverse ethnRite · Finding a match

🇬🇧 United Kingdom and 1 moreGimmal ring A betrothal ring with separate hoops that join to form the wedding band.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇷🇺 RussiaEastern Orthodox marriage The Byzantine Rite ceremony where a priest crowns the couple to seal their union in Christ.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇷 Seoul, South Korea and 1 moreMarriage in KoreaKorean marriage (결혼) A look at how Korean weddings blend ancient Confucian rites with modern legal practices.Rite · Finding a match

🇫🇯 FijiTabua A polished sperm whale tooth exchanged as a gift in Fijian weddings and ceremonies.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇦 Imilchil, MoroccoImilchil Marriage FestivalAgdoud N'Oulmghenni A Berber marriage festival in Morocco where tribes gather to arrange unions and celebrate with music and dance.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇰🇷 South Korea and 5 moreBlessing ceremony of the Unification ChurchHoly Marriage Blessing Ceremony (축복결혼식) A large-scale marriage rededication or new union ceremony that engrafts couples into a sinless lineage.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇲🇱 MaliWeddings in Mali Multi-day Malian wedding traditions blending Islamic rites, civil law, and local customs with bazin attire.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇦🇿 Azerbaijan and 1 moreKyz kuu A horse race where a man chases a woman to win a kiss or faces her whip if he failsPlay · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇩 Palembang, Indonesia and 2 moreSongketᬲᭀᬂᬓᬾᬢ᭄ A hand-woven brocade cloth patterned with gold or silver threads for traditional weddings in Southeast Asia.Attire · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaShankha White conch shell bangles worn by Bengali Hindu married women as a symbol of their husband's well-being.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇿 Kazakhstan and 1 moreKazakh wedding ceremonyҮйлену тойы (Üilenu toiy) The multi-stage Kazakh marriage process featuring the face-revealing feast and the Islamic religious contract.Rite · Engagement and betrothal 🇪🇹 Addis Ababa, EthiopiaWedding customs in Ethiopia A collection of diverse marriage rites across Ethiopian tribes and the Orthodox Christian community.Rite · Finding a match 🇾🇪 Yemen and 4 moreKafa'ahالكفاءة (al-kafā'ah) The Islamic legal principle of social and religious equivalence between spouses in marriage.Vow · Finding a match 🇮🇹 ItalyFescennine VersesFescennina carmina Bawdy wedding songs from Ancient Rome that evolved into satire and comic drama.Performance · Engagement and betrothal

🇪🇬 Egypt and 4 moreWaist beads Strands of glass or seed worn around the hips to mark womanhood and track body changes in West and North Africa.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaOppanaഒപ്പന A circle dance and song tradition of the Mappila Muslim community in Kerala weddingsPerformance · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 Bhuj, India and 1 moreBandhani A traditional Indian tie-dye method that creates intricate dot patterns by binding small sections of cloth before dyeingAttire · Engagement and betrothal

🇯🇵 Tokyo, JapanMizuhiki水引 The knotted paper cord that adorns Japanese wedding gifts and envelopesAdornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇷 Iran and 1 moreNikahnikāḥ (Arabic: نِكَاح) The Islamic marriage contract that establishes a binding union between two people.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇹🇭 Thailand and 5 moreBride price Wealth paid by the groom or his family to the bride or her kin to formalize a union.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇺🇸 United States and 5 moreMarriage proposal The moment one partner asks the other to marry them and marks the start of an engagement.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 India and 1 moreSvayamvaraस्वयंवर (svayaṃvara) A ceremony where a bride selects her husband from assembled suitors or through a public contest.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 3 moreJewish wedding The ceremony and laws that bind a couple in Jewish marriage, from the canopy to the glass.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇰🇬 Kyrgyzstan and 2 moreAla kachuuала качуу A Kyrgyz custom of taking a woman for marriage, ranging from consensual elopement to forced abduction.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇪 Ireland and 1 moreHandfastingceangal na lámh (Irish); pòsadh-bliadhna (Scottish Gaelic) A pledge ceremony where a couple joins hands to make a binding marriage contract or engagement.Rite · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇱 IsraelErusinאירוסין The first stage of a Jewish marriage that consecrates the bride to the groom.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇳 IndiaTree marriage A symbolic proxy marriage between a person and a tree to bypass restrictions on remarriageBetrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇩 IndonesiaMinangkabau marriage A matrilineal wedding tradition from West Sumatra where the groom moves into the bride's family home.Family role · Engagement and betrothal 🇵🇭 PhilippinesPamamanhikan The formal visit by the groom's family to ask the bride's parents for her hand in marriage.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇱 Israel and 2 moreKetubahכְּתוּבָּה The Jewish marriage contract that outlines the groom's financial and personal obligations to the bride.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇪 Galway, Ireland and 2 moreCladdagh ringFáinne an Chladaigh A traditional Irish ring featuring clasped hands, a heart, and a crown to symbolise friendship, love, and loyalty.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇹 Sicily, ItalyFuitina A Sicilian elopement custom used to force family consent for marriage through presumed sexual intercourse.Betrothal · The weeks before 🇧🇳 BruneiBrunei Malay wedding The sequence of ceremonies that mark the engagement and marriage of Brunei Malays.Rite · Finding a match

🇮🇱 Tel Aviv, IsraelSame-sex marriage in Israel Legal recognition for same-sex couples through foreign or online marriages due to the absence of civil marriage in IsraeModern · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 Beijing, China and 1 moreMarriage market Public spaces where families gather to find spouses for their children through listings and brokers.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇯🇵 JapanMiai見合い (Miai) A traditional Japanese matchmaking meeting where a man and woman consider marriage with the help of a go-between.Betrothal · Finding a match 🇬🇧 United KingdomKnobstick wedding A forced marriage arranged by local authorities to shift the cost of a child onto the presumed father.Betrothal · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 India and 2 moreArranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent The family-led matchmaking process that shapes most marriages across South Asia.Betrothal · Finding a match

🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 5 moreInterfaith marriage in Judaismשִׁדּוּג חַלּוּץ (Shidug Chalutz) / אינטרפייט מריאז' (Interafeyt Mariyaz') The union of a Jew and a non-Jew, viewed as void by traditional law but increasingly common in modern communities.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇨🇳 China and 3 moreMarriage coin charm夫妇和合花钱 (fū fù hé hé huā qián) Numismatic amulets from East Asia that carry wedding blessings and fertility symbols.Adornment · Engagement and betrothal

🇮🇳 IndiaBride buying in India The forced purchase of women from impoverished regions for arranged marriages in Northern India.Gift custom · Engagement and betrothal

🇹🇼 Taipei, TaiwanSame-sex marriage in Taiwan The legal recognition of same-sex unions in Taiwan, the first in Asia.Modern · Engagement and betrothal 🇫🇷 FranceCivil solidarity pactPacte civil de solidarité (PACS) A French civil union contract that offers legal rights to couples without the full status of marriage.Vow · Engagement and betrothal 🇮🇱 Jerusalem, Israel and 2 moreJewish prenuptial agreement A contract signed before the wedding to ensure a Jewish divorce can happen if one spouse refuses.Vow · Engagement and betrothal

🇸🇿 EswatiniUmtsimbauntsimba A multi-day Swazi wedding procession where the bride joins her husband's family through ritualised stages.Rite · Finding a match

Photo credits on this page

The small pictures above come from Wikimedia Commons under free licences. Some are cropped to fit.

Jewish wedding: Jozef Israëls, Public domain, source
Blessing ceremony of the Unification Church: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Umtsimba: Cat7624, CC0, source
Marriage market: Tim Sheerman-Chase, CC BY 2.0, source
Minangkabau marriage: Mamasamala, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Weddings in Mali: HawaG, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Svayamvara: Nandalal Bose, Public domain, source
Miai: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Arranged marriage in the Indian subcontinent: Hindustanilanguage, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Israel: דוד שי, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Ketubah: Unknown author, Public domain, source
Marriage in Korea: Jérôme Banal ( Eden2004 ), CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Shankha: Salil Kumar Mukherjee, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Tabua: Hannes Grobe /AWI, CC BY 3.0, source
Marriage in Myanmar: Thant Zin Myint, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Nikah: عامر شاہین, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Same-sex marriage in Taiwan: Guy of taipei, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Bride buying in India: Jorge Royan, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Mizuhiki: User:FA2010, Public domain, source
Imilchil Marriage Festival: Zakaria ElQotbi, CC BY 2.0, source
Kazakh wedding ceremony: jerome taylor, CC BY 2.0, source
Handfasting: Sander van der Wel, CC BY-SA 2.0, source
Marriage proposal: Victorgrigas, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Bride price: Пимоненко Николай Корнилиевич, Public domain, source
Interfaith marriage in Judaism: Rembrandt, Public domain, source
Claddagh ring: Royalcladdagh, CC BY-SA 3.0, source
Marriage coin charm: Scott Semans, CC BY 3.0, source
Eastern Orthodox marriage: VitVit, CC BY 3.0, source
Songket: Rijksmuseum, CC0, source
Waist beads: Amuzujoe, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Kyz kuu: SSGT JEREMY T. LOCK, Public domain, source
Gimmal ring: Geni, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Oppana: Shagil Kannur, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Bandhani: RubyGoes, CC BY 2.0, source
Erusin: LGJMS, CC BY-SA 4.0, source
Ala kachuu: Illus. in: Turkestanskii al'bom, chast' étnograficheskaia: ..., 1871-1, Public domain, source